Do Not Disturb

It's Time for Bed

A Soothing Evening Affirmation

I have not posted an evening affirmation for quite a while. However, after a few tumultuous days, I am finding the need for a soothing affirmation in order to prepare myself for bed this evening. Today started off pretty well, I made it to my class and was able to complete a decent amount of work, but I soon found myself overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings and dark thoughts. The darkness of the night sky is seeming to only serve as a means of intensifying the gloom that overtook me earlier in the day. I am longing for something to alleviate these mental and emotional disturbances. I wish that telling my mind that it's time for bed was as simple as placing a do not disturb sign on the door knob of a hotel room; unfortunately, this is not the case. We need to work a little harder in order to notify our minds and bodies that it's time for bed.

I am hoping that the following soothing evening affirmation will serve the same purpose as the handy do not disturb signs that are provided to guests at hotels.

I soothe my nerves, welcoming peace into my being, by releasing all mental tensions.

"...welcoming peace into my being..."

This evening affirmation is the perfect fit for me this evening as my mind continues to twist and turn. If I am successful in embodying this affirmation than I have the ability to find peace and quiet by releasing the disturbing and painful thoughts and emotions that have been haunting me recently. I pray for the strength to let go of any tension that may disturb my ability to find peace, soothe myself, and prepare for bed. 

We all experience thoughts, situations, and feelings that can interfere with our ability to release mental tension. These things do not obey a do not disturb sign that we may hang on our hotel door. It is up to us to create a message to our mind that tells it that it's time for bed and that it is no longer permitted to disturb us with painful memories, upsetting thoughts, or negative emotions. Let us use this soothing affirmation in order to give notice to our minds and bodies that it's time for bed and we no longer entertain thoughts and emotions that prevent us from achieving a sense of peace. 

Let us repeat this affirmation like a mantra until we can fully absorb it. As I say these words aloud I envision my nerves slowly releasing any tension that has built up over the course of the day. I watch disturbing mental images and thoughts float away into the infinite beyond. 

"I look at peace, imaging it taking shape in the form of a white tulip..."

I look at peace, imagining it taking shape in the form of a white tulip, and it sits by my side, watching over me as I slowly enter the blissful dream land that sleep affords us. The white, purity of peace enters my mind and soul, and I manage to put aside the anger, frustration, and tension that has grown within me over the course of the last few days. I will continue to repeat this affirmation until I feel the full effects of its soothing powers. I encourage you to do the same. If we manage to absorb these words, and alert our minds that they are not to disturb us as we strive to achieve a peaceful sleep, than we will be able to awake tomorrow feeling truly rested and refreshed. 

It's time for bed, so goodnight friends, sleep well-

xo

No Complaints Here

Taking Life As It Comes

Moving Forward Day-by-Day

Recently my life has been shockingly uneventful. It seems that I am always being confronted with some sort of challenge, crisis, or bad news. Every once in a while I'll be surprised with something exciting, fun, or fabulous. But, at the moment, neither seem to be the case and I must admit that there are no complaints here about it. I am appreciating the ability to effortlessly move forward day-by-day without being interrupted by anything out of the ordinary. While at times my life seems monotonous or a tad boring I am learning that I can appreciate my life for what it is at this moment. I'd prefer a boring and typical day to a chaotic and painful day at all times. It's hard for me to accept that my life can truly be ok. I feel as if I usually have the need to resolve a problem, cope with a tragedy, or overcome an obstacle. I have always tried to take life as it comes; but usually life seems to come to me in atypical or unfortunate ways. As my life starts to settle down and bear a sense of normalcy, I am forced to learn how to take life as it comes when my life is, for all intensive purposes, ordinary and simple. I have no complaints about learning how to accept and embrace an uneventful life. I am thankful to go to my classes everyday, see friends walking on campus, finish school work, and return home to snuggle with Milly and go to sleep. When I rest my head on my pillow I am comforted by the fact that I had a mellow and standard day; I look forward to having a similar day when I awake in the morning. The calmness and commonness of my life is a welcome relief. I am pleased to continue moving forward day-by-day without cause for concern or startling interruptions. 

"Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated."

- Confucius

Is Confucius's statement really true? Is my life actually simple and its just me and mind that make it seem complex? Are my thoughts and actions making my life more difficult than it needs to be? Recently my life has felt rather simple or at least less complicated than it has been previously. This statement and the current normalcy of my life makes me wonder if it is truly my life that has changed or if it is me. Perhaps unfortunate things continue to go on around me but I am simply processing and responding to them in a new way? Maybe I am seeing challenges or bad news in a different light? The answer could be that I am no longer taking on others issues and mistaking them for my own; this is an issue that I tend to deal with a lot. 

I hear that a friend is going back into treatment and I turn it into a personal crisis. When I have had friends pass away I somehow manage to make myself feel guilty for still being alive or I begin to question my own life and purpose. When I realize that my weight or behavior is bothering (or triggering) to a friend I allow myself to feel shameful and at fault. But in my immediate past I haven't been absorbing the issues and troubles of others. Yes, I have plenty of friends who are struggling but I have been able to separate their problems from my own. When it comes to my own struggles and eating disorder lapses I haven't been going into panic mode as I usually do. I have been able to put the issues into perspective and realize that just because I am struggling a bit does not mean that I am going to end up very sick and back in treatment again.

Moving Forward Day-by-Day

I don't have a definitive answer regarding what has changed; it could be my or it could very well be my life. But I am not going to spend any more time questioning it. Over thinking it, which would be my typical behavior, would just be playing out the above quote. I don't need to complicate the matter by analyzing it and attempting to figure out the cause. It's a very simple fact that my life seems to going smoothly and I don't intend to turn this pleasure into a complex issue that will turn my brain into an obstacle course of thoughts. I am just going to appreciate that I have no complaints or hardships at the moment and continue to move forward day-by-day, taking life as it comes. 
Today was a nice, easy, and productive day. I went to my classes, met with a classmate for a group project, hung out with my friend who is staying with me, and took a relaxing bath. I have fun plans for tonight- dinner than drinks with my friend- and I intend to enjoy each moment, embracing the simplicity and pleasantness of the experience. I am not going to worry about what might happen tomorrow. I am not going to think about issues or stressors that are not currently relevant. I will not let my brain fly off into another dimension- dwelling over the past, fearing the future, counting calories, worrying about my weight, thinking about tasks that need to be done. I am simply going to take in the now because that's all any of us can really do. We can't change the past and we can't predict the future. We shouldn't allow our minds to take control and detract from our abilities to take life as it comes and enjoy what's going on in the present. Lets take Confucius's words to heart and think about life as a simple matter. Perhaps if we allow ourselves to move forward day-by-day and take life as it comes, rather than attempting to juggle and think about a million different things at once, then we can avoid making life more complicated than it is.

Keep it simple and enjoy,
xo

Sick as a Dog

Starting Second Semester

Playing Catch Up Already

Sick as a Dog

I apologize for my lack of posting recently. As I found myself starting second semester I discovered the unfortunate fact that I was sick as a dog. A trip to student health verified my suspicion that I had a double ear infection. I couldn't think of a less convenient time to be overcome by illness. It is the beginning of a new semester- new classes, new teachers, new start- and have been unable to attend a number of classes. My French course is already in full gear. There is one class I have yet to go to at all. And I am already overwhelmed and stressed because I am playing catch up so early into the new term. I am behind on readings in all my classes. I haven't completed a number of assignments already due in my French course and I have a quiz tomorrow that covers material I haven't even glanced at yet. I am frustrated and anxious. We aren't even two weeks into the semester...how is it possible that I feel so behind already? The next few days and the upcoming weekend will certainly be dedicated to catching up in all my classes. It is so important that I begin the semester strongly because it will set the tone for the remainder of the semester. Missing classes and fall behind on assignments is not ideal way to kick off second semester. I suppose I need to be fair to myself. It is not my fault that I became sick as a dog. My inability to attend classes and finish assignments is not reflective of my aptitude and dedication as a student. I know that once I am back to my regular, healthy self that I will be able to focus on my classes and my work in the manner that I have become accustomed to. But there is a great deal lying between me and my regular and healthy self. First and foremost I need to get well. Once I am feeling better I can concentrate on catching up and then move forward with the semester. I can't focus on new material being presented until I have caught up on what I have missed. 

Playing Catch Up Already

I am trying to remain calm in the midst of this catch up game that I find myself in; becoming overly stressed will on interfere with my ability to make up the work that lies in front of me. I am attempting to look forward rather than backward. I cannot help the fact that I became so sick so quickly. I can't rewind the past few days and undo the choices I have made. I decided to stay in bed and rest instead of pushing myself to go to classes. (I am conveniently forgetting the fact that I found myself unable to move let alone attend a class.) I went to bed early and slept late; consequently I did not have the time to pay attention to my workload that was quickly mounting as I lay sick in bed. However, my choices, to tend to my health needs, allowed me to get up today and make my way to my two classes. Yes, I am behind but I can't let this stop me from continuing onward. Now that I am feeling better it is up to me to concentrate on the tasks at hand, get up to speed in all my classes, and move forward. How am I going to help myself while attempting to do these three things- concentrate, catch up, and continue forward? I am going to focus on a calming affirmation that will enable me to stay relaxed as I strive to fulfill these three goals.

I am calm, relaxed, and in control.

It is key that I embody this affirmation in order to confidently move forward. Being calm and relaxed will allow me to see things clearly. The haze of stress interferes with our abilities to clearly recognize what needs to be done and prioritize tasks accordingly. 

Breathe in calm, breathe out stress-

If we can remain calm and relaxed in the midst of stressful situations then we have already one half the battle. A calm mind correlates to a clear mind; a mind that can organize unfinished tasks and complete them with focus and accuracy. Control is another crucial element when confronted with an anxiety provoking situation. When everything seems to be flying around chaotically, when life seems to be moving at an unbelievable speed, when work bombards us with unrelenting force, we need to compose ourselves and regain a degree of control. How do we obtain this control when everything seems chaotic and unmanageable? Well, honestly, it's difficult to say. The first thing to do is sit down, stop moving, and breathe. Let calmness wash over you and clear your mind. Then, with this new found clarity, look at the work and tasks that you need to complete. Once you know what you need to do then look at the amount of time you have to complete said tasks. Organize your work in conjunction with your available time. Plot out a plan or a schedule. Look at your plan and recognize that you can do this. You have the time to complete the work that needs to be done. You have control over this stressful situation; you can remedy the problem. It is easier to believe that you are in control and have the power to fix the issue (in my case catch up) when you can look at the dilemma clearly and concisely.

"[I] can remedy the problem."

As I am writing this I am breathing and letting go any stressful energy that I may have been holding onto. I am allowing myself to feel calm and relaxed. I am clearing my mind. I am preparing myself to face the mountain of work that accumulated while I was sick. I will begin to list my assignments and tasks with a calm and clear mind. I will tackle them with an air of relaxation and confidence. I will prioritize my work and schedule all assignments and tasks accordingly. As I begin to construct a plan I will feel more in control of the situation the I find myself in. I may be playing catch up already but that does not mean that I will be feeling behind and overwhelmed for the remainder of the semester. No, this has not been the best start to this semester; however, I have the ability to collect myself and move forward strongly. As I begin to make progress with my work I will be able to see that maybe I am not as far behind as I thought. I will chip away at my mountain of work; in time I will be back on course. I will move forward with the semester and in hindsight this period will appear as a blip on my radar. I need to put this situation into perspective rather than blow it out of proportion. I am only one week into a semester that spans 3 months. I guess I have to ask myself, how far behind could I actually be? The answer is obvious- probably not that much. If I approach this situation calmly and confidently then I am sure I will find that this issue is easily remedied with a few days of dedication, diligence, and focus.

Time for me to run and start catching up,

xo

The End is Near

Recognizing How Far You've Come

Dreams are Attainable

The End is Near

I have been struggling a lot recently with the fact that I am still an undergraduate and am uncertain as to exactly when I will finally be graduating. I worked on transferring credits over break and the process is slow and frustrating; only 3 courses have been accepted by Penn so far. However, the fact that I have submitted the majority of my credits is a relief. My part is done; now it is just up to Penn to evaluate my previous courses and give credit where credit is due. Although only 3 credits have been accepted and processed so far I am hopeful. I believe that the majority of my course from George Washington University will be approved. I met with my advisor and realized that I am much farther along than I initially thought. I probably only have about 6 more courses to take after this semester in order to complete my degree. I mapped everything out and I have finding that the end is near and I am starting to believe that dreams are attainable. 

"...long and atypical path."

It has been a long and atypical path but I will be able to finish my degree. I could potentially graduate next Fall if I take heavy course loads over the summer and in the next Fall semester. However, I could take it easy and relax a bit by taking lighter loads and in that case I would graduate in the Spring. Either way I am confident that I will be graduating sometime next school year and I am relieved. This process has felt endless and I feared that I would never actually graduate. I was failing to see how much I have actually accomplished; I neglected to recognize how far I have come. I will not graduate college until I am 24 but I am starting to come to terms with that; it's ok. I have struggled and fought. I have taken an abnormal route. I have lost time to illness, treatment, and medical leaves. 

Dreams are Attainable

But, my dream is still attainable. It may not have come about in the fashion or timing that I anticipated but it does not mean that it is lost. Life throws us curve balls. We stray from the course. We find ourselves in situations that we never could have imagined. These irregularities distract us from recognizing how far we've come. They can make us feel as if are goals are impossible to achieve. Meeting with my advisor proved to me that despite my issues and digressions my dream is attainable and although the end is not here, it is near. I can see the light at the end of this dark and twisting tunnel. I am almost there and I could not be happier or more relieved. I finally feel like I am being rewarded for all of my hard work. My experiences and dedication has not been for naught. I will graduate and be able to move forward with my life.

"If you don't know where you are going you will probably end up somewhere else."

- Lawrence J. Peter

"I was wandering aimlessly..."

Until yesterday I was doing just as Peter warns us against. I was wandering aimlessly without knowing exactly what I needed to do in order to achieve my goal. I hadn't taken a good look at my previous course work. I hadn't met with my advisor in order to determine where those courses would fit in or apply to my major requirements. I knew I wanted to graduate but I was not being proactive in achieving this goal. I was signing up for courses that I thought might apply to my degree but I wasn't considering them in conjunction with my previous credits that needed to be transferred. I had no idea what I was doing comparable to not "know[ing] where [I] [was] going." By blindly pursuing my goal I was bound to end up wasting time, taking unnecessary courses, and consequently "end[ing] up somewhere else." I was taking the longer, scenic route unintentionally and without want to do so.

"...taking the longer, scenic route..."

I am not sure why I kept putting off transferring my credits or taking a hard look at what I had left in order to complete my degree. Perhaps I was afraid of what I may find out- discovering that I had years of work ahead of me before I was able to graduate. Maybe I was just being lazy but I kind of doubt that; I am not a lazy person. I think that the most likely explanation was fear. I was afraid that all my previous courses would not apply to anything here at Penn. I was concerned that I would the end was far off. I feared that it would take years and a large numbers of additional credits in order to graduate. I felt that if this were the case it would be impossible for me to stay healthy long enough for me to finish me degree. I am so happy that I finally sucked it up- really looking at my previous course work and meeting with my advisor. I found out that I had no reason to be afraid. I can graduate within a year. I can manage to stay healthy for a year. I can remain dedicated to my school work for one year more. I can do this. The end is near and my ultimate goal is in sight; my dream is attainable.

"The important thing is to strive towards a goal, which is not immediately visible. That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit."

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, translated from French by Lewis Galantiere

When I first began my journey at Penn my goal was very far off. I knew I had at least two years of work ahead of me and it seemed as if all the time I had put in at GW was a waste. How would my business courses apply to a Communications major? It just didn't seem possible. I felt as if I would be spending the majority of my twenties in college. I was concerned that I would never be able to enter the "real world" and have a "real," adult life. My goal was "not immediately visible"; it was far off in the distance. But, despite feeling as if it were nearly unattainable, it remained in the forefront of my mind. I continued to pursue it and fight any obstacles that hindered me from achieving it. 

This goal, as Saint-Exupery, says was not one of the mind, "but of the spirit." My soul knew that I owed it to myself to earn my college degree. My spirit kept pushing me forward because my intellect and mind deserved a college experience. I deserved to have my intelligence validated by receiving a college diploma. Not only did I feel as if I deserved to graduate, I wanted to graduate. I wanted to be fed knowledge. I wanted to be surrounded my smart individuals who had similar aspirations as me. I wanted to take full advantage of being a college student- absorbing new information, discovering different interests, engaging in intellectual conversations with teachers and peers, using my brain, proving my abilities by achieving high marks in my classes. My spirit spoke out via my goal; it said that I deserved and wanted to graduate from the University of Pennsylvania. A lot has changed since I first embarked upon this academic journey at Penn. My goal is finally immediately visible. I can see that the end is near and my dream is attainable. But, I never would have gotten here if I had given up when things got difficult. I wouldn't be able to sit here telling you that I will be graduating soon if I allowed my fears to control my actions. If I let the distance of dream dissuade me earlier on than it wouldn't be attainable now. There were so many moments- when I left GW mid-semester, when I transferred schools and had to start from scratch, when I took medical leave last Fall, the times my doctors told me I was going to die, when I experienced lapses, the numerous occasions when I learned of a friend's death- when it would have felt easier to just give up and settle. But almost in spite of these challenges and upheavals, I persevered. Just because your dream is far off does not mean that is not attainable. In time you will come ever closer to reaching it and before you know you will find that the end is near. While my dream of completing college is in sight, I still have a number of aspirations that are far in the distance.

There's no such thing as "too many dreams-"

I want to move to New York City. I want to get married and have a family. I want to be an advocate for eating disorder awareness; I want to be able to help girls and women who struggle like I do. All of these dreams are "not immediately visible." There is still a great deal I need to do before any of them can become a reality. But I am able to believe that I will get there some day because of where I am today. I have recognized how far I have come and realize that this dream, graduating college, is attainable. If I can accomplish one of my dreams than I am capable of fulfilling an infinite number of dreams and goals in the future. When you find yourself doubting yourself think of dreams that you have already achieved. Look at what you have already been able to do and recognize how far you have come. Your dream may seem distant but so were many others once upon a time. If you are capable of working and fulfilling one goal then nothing is stopping you from achieving more in the years to come. Don't allow yourself to get dissuaded by anything- hardships, obstacles, letdowns, tragedy, illness, doubt, fear. 

Use the phrase, "dreams are attainable," like a mantra. Repeat it to yourself when you find yourself struggle. Repeat it when you start to doubt yourself. Say it over and over again when you start to think negatively, when you start to feel that your dream is impossible. I am hear to tell you that it is not impossible; I am living proof that dreams are attainable.

I think if you take a look back on your life you will find that you too are proof that goals can be achieved and dreams can be attained. When we finally accomplish something, or come close to reaching it, we tend to forget that at one point in time it was merely a distant dream. Most dreams start off far in the distance. It takes time, work, and dedication to get close to achieving them; you have to fight for the right to scream from the rooftops that "the end is near!" Maybe, like me, your dream is right around the corner. Or, perhaps, like my dream to be a mother, your dream is far off in the distance. Either way don't every forget that dreams are attainable as long as you continue to work toward them. Some day you will be able to look back and recognize how far you've come; you too will be able to announce that the end is near.

Never give up when pursuing your dreams,

xo

Daydream Believer, The Monkees

Raise Your Spirits

Today is a Good Day

Resolving to Be Happy

"Why does [happiness] seem to be so allusive?"

Recently I have been in quite a funk. I don't find myself wanting to do anything, even things that I ordinarily enjoy doing. Everything- blogging, classes, journaling, organizing, homework, socializing- feels like a daunting task. Life itself feels like a daunting task. Everything feels like work. Nothing entices or excites me. It is tiring and I am frustrated with myself. I preach happiness. I do everything in my power to focus on it and attain it. Why does it seem to be so allusive? I woke up this morning dragging. I had an early morning class and the stress from the night before was still lingering. I did not want to leave my warm bed and enter into the brisk outdoors; but I had to. I went to French class and felt simply lost. My teacher insists on speaking in only French (which in theory sounds appropriate and beneficial for an intermediate language course) but it is not helping me and my already fuzzy mind. I can hardly comprehend English at this point. I am certainly not ready to receive instructions and respond in French. I left class feeling lost, not knowing what to do or where to go. 

I lit a cigarette to calm my nerves and from afar I hear someone calling my name. It is my friend Ben who was in my French class last semester. He bummed a cigarette and we began to chat about the course, school, and life at Penn. Suddenly another friend from last semester approached. It turned into an impromptu reunion! For that brief period of time I forgot my woes, forgot my dissatisfaction, and my frustration waned. I was engaged in conversation with two friends; I felt connected, significant, and happy. A brief conversation with friends was able to raise my spirits. As we departed I made the decision that today is a good day. I am going to resolve to be happy.

I have a strong mind and an unrelenting will. I can choose to let go of anguish, sadness, and feelings of discontent. I can embrace passion, joy, interest, enthusiasm, and happiness. My emotions do not have to take control and dictate the direction of my day. I can use my mind to raise my spirits and make today a good day by focusing on the small delights, simple pleasures, and positives that fill my life. I am sick and tired of feeling as if I am in the gutter. I will no longer allow my emotions to drive me downward. Instead I am resolving to be happy and nothing can get in my way.

"As soon as you recognize that you are able to control your thoughts, happiness will come within your reach."

- David Baird

It almost seems that this quote was made for my entry today. It perfectly corresponds with exactly what I am saying. We all have emotions and thoughts that we need to process. But there are couple questions that must be raised in regard to both. What kind of emotions and thoughts are you have- positive or negative? How much weight are you giving your emotions? How much weight are you giving your thoughts? What level of significance have you ascribed to the positive and the negative respectively? 

Our brains are amazingly powerful entities. They enable us to think about a million different things at once. However, some of these things interfere with our ability to be happy. Some of these thoughts are negative- self-depreciating, mean, pessimistic. Likewise our souls allows us to feel an array of emotions. Some of these emotions raise our spirits- joy, excitement, love, happiness- while others such as jealousy, anger, and sadness drag us down. Because our minds are so powerful we have the ability to allocate significance to the positive thoughts and emotions rather than focusing on the negative. Our minds give us the control to make today and everyday a good day. 

We have the mental strength to disregard or give less significance to unhappy or upsetting events that disable us from achieving happiness. I can choose to concentrate on the classes that I was able to register for and leave the frustration of not getting into certain courses behind. I will be able to get into those other required courses another semester. I can allow the death of my friend start to fade into my memory instead of allowing it to take residence in the forefront of my mind. I can't forget her or her tragic death but I can choose to put my focus elsewhere. I can opt to remind myself of the friends that I remain in contact with instead of mourning the fact that I have lost touch with a great deal of people. I, as well as you, can decide to think these positive thoughts and consequently I will be filled with pleasant emotions. 

In case you can't find thoughts of your own-

These positive emotions will help me to raise my spirits and contribute to creating good and happy days. Lets not focus on all the things in our lives that have gone wrong or that we wish we could change. Giving attention to these thoughts will only lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction. We need to recognize the power of our minds and subsequently our thoughts. Both play major roles in our emotions and the way we feel. We can choose to concentrate on thoughts that bring us joy and pleasure- our families, our pets, our favorite movies, our funny fetishes (for me its stickers, stationary, and Hello Kitty), our interests, good times with friends. Thinking these thoughts give us the ability to resolve to be happy; and when we are happy it is certain that we can assert that today (and everyday) is a good day!

Think positively and happiness is sure to follow,
xo

You Raise Me Up, Josh Groban

I have to believe that happiness is out there for the taking !

Magical Snowflakes

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Embracing Nature's Beauty

Remember making these as kids ?

As much as I complain about winter and condemn the snow, even I have to admit that there is something magical about the first real snowfall of the season. I peer outside my window and appreciate the beauty of the magical snowflakes falling. I have been taking brief little strolls, embracing the mounting snow and nature's beauty. These magical snowflakes land upon me, covering my fur trimmed hood and creating a halo like image. They dust my coat and pants, looking like magical fairy dust. The whiteness that surrounds me fills me with a sense of peace. How could I condemn these magical snowflakes and the winter wonderland that they create? It is not actually the first snow. We experienced a few flakes that granted the Philadelphia area a white Christmas. But the snowfall was not substantial and it soon melted away. This is our first true snowy day and I am thoroughly enjoying it. Perhaps it is the novelty of the first snow that is contributing to my change of heart? Or maybe it is because I am not being forced to leave the warmth of my home and schlep about in it? But regardless of the reason I am content and almost excited as I watch the flakes fall and the snow accumulate. It brings back childhood memories- days off from school, sledding with my brother, making snow angels- and my heart is warmed despite the freezing temperatures outside. I can't help but embrace the beauty that I see as nature drapes our dirty world in a pure and magical whiteness. It's as if the troubles, dangers, horrors, and sadness of the world disappear when I stand in the midst of the falling snow. Everything goes quiet and I am left with my thoughts; somehow these thoughts aren't frightening or negative as they usually tend to be. My mind is silent and clean like the world that surrounds me. Nature's beauty offers me a gift as I walk in this winter wonderland; I am calm- at peace with myself as well as the people and the world that surrounds me. 

Magical Snowflakes

"Snow flurries began to fall and they swirled around people's legs like house cats. It was magical, this snow globe world."

- Sarah Addison Allen, The Sugar Queen

This quote from Allen perfectly reflects how I am feeling about the snow right now. (Plus it includes a reference to cats so I can't help but like it, hah.) The snow flurries, these magical snowflakes, surround and embrace me. Likewise I embrace them.

"...snowflakes surround and embrace me."

They fall gracefully and lightly. The wind takes them easily in different directions. They find resting places on trees, rooftops, bushes, and occasionally upon my very own hooded head. Collectively they create a magical "snow globe world," a winter wonderland, and I can't help but abandon my previous opinions of the snow. How could I ever curse such a glorious sight? I find myself wholeheartedly embracing nature's beauty and the somewhat magical impact it is having on me. It has been a long time since my mind has relaxed. It seems as if my brain is constantly moving even when it should be calm. When I sit down to do nothingness my mind intercedes and forces my thoughts to spin, taking me places that I'd rather not go. As I take my walk in this winter wonderland my mind is finally able to rest. I am at ease. I am content in the present moment, not regretting the past or mourning losses that cannot be regained; I am not worried about what my future holds for me. I am able to truly be here- in this moment and place. I am so thankful for these magical snowflakes and this winter wonderland that has been gifted by nature; this snowfall has given me something I have needed and wanted for a long time now- peace. I have been blessed in my life with many things- a supportive family, educational opportunities, intellect, material possessions beyond compare, my adoring kitten- but it seems that it has forgotten to provide with me a crucial ability: the capability to find and feel peace.

Finding peace in the snow-

I am thankful and I am embracing nature's beauty, this first real snowfall, because it has worked magic for me personally. It has allowed me to be at peace with myself, with this world, with my current situation, with my tainted past and uncertain future. As I stand outside the magical snowflakes work their powers on me; they silence my mind, quell my fears, and allow me to embody peace. Peacefulness is a wonderful feeling. I hope to experience it more often in the future. I am going to share an affirmation that will hopefully enable me to find peace even when white, pure snow is not surrounding me. I encourage you to utilize this affirmation now and in the future whenever you feel the need to be calmed and filled with a sense of peace. 

Shh..be quiet brain !

A quiet mind oversees everything I do.

Although this affirmation doesn't directly reference peace, I chose it because it is exceptionally relevant to me and my own shortcoming. As I have said, I have trouble silencing my mind, stopping swirling thoughts, and allowing myself to simply be. I would like to work on embodying this affirmation. A quiet mind may be able to help me with other issues I encounter in my life- anxiety, OCD tendencies, perfectionism, self-judgment and criticism. I am thinking that a clear mind will allow me to focus more on things in life that are actually important to me- family, friends, school, personal passions, my blog- rather than things that I can rationally say are meaningless or insignificant. Who cares if my hair isn't pulled back exactly even on both sides? What does it matter if my bed isn't made (with my eight pillows perfectly aligned) before I leave my apartment? What will happen if I don't perform my morning routine in the same order every single day? Will the world end if I get an A- instead of an A? I spend so much time thinking about all these different things that I have no time to put effort into my passions and simple pleasures. I want time to read for enjoyment. I want to get an extra half hour of sleep each morning. I want to act on my desire to help spread awareness about eating disorders. I want to be able to arrive at meetings, parties, and dinners on time.
I want the freedom that comes with a quiet and peaceful mind. If I am able to embody this affirmation and silence my mind than perhaps I won't feel compelled to be, look, act, and perform perfect or perfectly all the time; it's truly exhausting and takes time from me that I would like to use in other ways. Now I find myself wondering how I managed to write an entry regarding peace and OCD/perfectionist tendencies when I started with a very simple topic: snow. Perhaps it is the magic of the snowfall that inspired the direction of my writing this afternoon. I had no idea that the weather could have such a profound influence on me. Maybe these truly are magical snowflakes and you too could benefit from having a few land on your sleeve. Go outside and take a walk in this winter wonderland. Encourage your children to play and frolic in the snow; join them if the urge arises. Embrace nature's beauty as you watch the flurries fall and as you look out upon the expanse of white that envelops our world. You may find that this first snowfall enlightens you and brings you a gift similar to that which it gave me. Allow the magical snowflakes to work their wonder on you. Don't hesitate to take a step outside; brave the cold and embrace nature's beauty. When the winter cold manages to permeate your layers and chill you to the bone you always have the option to retreat back to the warmth of your home.

Bundle up and take a walk in a winter wonderland,

xo

My own personal Winter Wonderland !

Winter Wonderland, Pat Boone

4 Days Til 2013!

These just don't seem very practical for New Year's Eve...