Have Time for a Quicky?

Keeping it Short...

Levity and Brevity

Before I begin I want to apologize for my extreme neglect to my blog recently. These past few weeks have just been absolutely crazy in terms of work and even now I don't have that much time to write. Composing an entry can take me up to 2-3 hours and for this reason I have decided to really try and keep it short today. I also am considering attempting to write briefer entries because of a suggestion I recently received. My mother brought to my attention that not only does it take me a long amount of time to write my entries but to read one in its entirety demands a lot of time on the part of my readers. With these thoughts in mind I am going to work toward sticking to my goal of brevity. However, brevity and time are not the only things inspiring me to write today. Recently I have had some negative encounters with others because of the level of levity I take when thinking about and discussing my eating disorder. Of course I understand that anorexia nervosa is a serious and a potentially fatal illness (I have had over a decade of experience with it so it would be nearly impossible for me to not know these facts). But, my experience has also taught me that taking it too seriously and thinking about its risks all the time will only lead me down a road of hopelessness and depression. Similarly, working hard to actively fight it everyday- challenging eating disordered thoughts, drinking supplements and eating things I don't want, and gaining weight- will only cause me to be upset and unhappy. 

My approach may be off putting for some and even challenged by many (as I have learned recently via critical correspondence with friends and acquaintances) but quite frankly, it works for me and that's all that really matters. I may not be a "healthy" weight and I definitely don't eat as much as I should, but all in all, I am relatively happy and at the end of the day happiness is all I am seeking. I don't dwell on my illness and the negative impacts it has had on my life. It has caused too much sadness and pain in my past. Why would I want to think about and relive that agony on a daily basis? Likewise, choosing to actively fight in the hopes of achieving "recovery" (whatever that means...it seems that no one can really agree on a definition) is not one of my top priorities. I'd much rather go about my life, enjoying what I have now, and having fun, than putting forth intensive effort toward something I am not sure I really want. We all have challenges, sadness, and painful situations and experiences in our lives. Some of these situations are chronic- anorexia nervosa, diabetes, death of a loved one. These things are with us all of the time and have the potential to affect us every moment of every day. They can be all consuming and prevent us from living the lives we want. My approach to dealing with my chronic illness is by making light of and adding levity to the situation, because if I didn't I would be trapped in cage of misery and helplessness. Some people may think that incorporating levity is inappropriate and I will admit that sometimes it is (such as at the funeral of a loved one who just passed away.) But in general I believe that adding some humor to otherwise depressing circumstance is often the only way to cope and continue living your life.

"Life is too important to be taken seriously!"

- Oscar Wilde

I absolutely love this quote by Oscar Wilde. (In fact it is hanging on my refrigerator in my apartment.) Life is of the utmost importance because we only get one. It is our job to make the most of it for our own sakes. Of course some things in life do need to be taken seriously- work, paying bills, school, etc. But, in truth, so many of us opt to approach things in a serious way when in reality they don't need to be taken so "seriously."

This is my opinion about my illness. Yes, I am underweight. Yes, for all intensive purposes I restrict on a daily basis. And yes, ultimately I will need to change my ways if I hope to get married, have children, and live a long and prosperous life. But for the time being I don't find a need to think about my eating disorder in a serious manner. I am not in an acute medical state. I am not unable to fulfill obligations and perform my daily tasks. And I am not distraught or bothered by the way I am living my life right now. These reasons allow me to engage in levity when thinking and talking about my eating disorder.

 But perhaps more importantly, this levity helps me to cope with the reality of it, enables me to move forward with my life, and be happy! No matter the difficult situation- illness, arguments, loss- levity can act as a fabulous tool for dealing with hardship on a daily basis. Dwelling on it and taking it so seriously often makes the difficulty harder to deal with and manage. I hope you can take my approach, and add a degree of levity to your life, especially when facing upsetting or painful circumstances. I think you'll find that once you stop looking at the issues in an intense light that you will be able to better enjoy the important thing that we call life!

Don't worry be happy,

xo

Don't Worry be Happy, Bobby McFerrin

Carry-On Luggage

Hooked on Happiness

Sustaining Good Feelings During Our Everyday Lives

"I wanted...to pack [the good feelings] in my carry-on luggage..."

I am back from vacation and currently sitting in the Saxbys on Penn's campus. The break proved to be exactly what I needed in order to be refueled and revived. I am bursting with good feelings that are stemming from the wonderful trip that I was able to take with my Mom. As I left the Cayman Islands I found that I had gained more than just a kick ass tan. I was departing with new feelings- calm, relaxed, hopeful, contented, energized, and happy. I was enjoying these feelings so much; I was truly hooked. I wanted to be able to bottle them up (in a 3.4 oz container of course) and somehow manage to pack them in my carry-on luggage and bring them back to Philadelphia with me. Of course I knew that was an impossibility because feelings and emotions are not tangible items that we can put away and store for later.

Hooked on Happiness

But still, I am so hooked on happiness that I need to figure out a way to sustain these good feelings so that they are able to positive influence me and my everyday life. After experiencing something pleasant- vacations, a good date, receiving praise, a reunion with an old friend- we are left with good feelings and happiness. But so often we fear the end of the happy event because we are concerned that once it is over- the trips ends, you have your goodnight kiss, your friend says farewell- that good feelings will cease to exist as well. Seeking and enjoying pleasantries is important; but it is probably more important that we learn a means of sustaining the resulting good feelings. 

Not all pleasures will make us jump for joy-

"Tranquil pleasures last the longest; we are not fitted to bear the burden of great joys."

- Christian Nestell Bovee

I chose to include Bovee's quote because I feel that it provides an explanation for why these moments, which bring us such overwhelming delight, must end. We are not meant to be overjoyed in all instances of our lives. If every moment or experience was a "great joy" they would start to lost their worth and meaning. It is the fact that these "great joys" are scarce that makes them so special and pleasurable. Perhaps it is the ability to maintain the good feelings, which accompany these moments of elation that allow us to achieve the longer lasting "tranquil pleasures."The "great joys" get us hooked on happiness.

It is this love of happiness and joy that leads us to pursue means of sustaining good feelings even during the monotony of our everyday lives. Just because happy experiences or "great joys" end does not mean that the positive emotions that they induce need to be fleeting. We can manage to hold on to these feelings- contentment, peace, happiness, etc.- so that they play a role in our everyday lives and provide us with the less demanding "tranquil pleasures." Although I was unable to literally pack up my positive emotions, tucking them away in my carry-on luggage somewhere between my dirty socks and the souvenir candle I purchased for a friend, I do believe that I have managed to bring these good feelings with me back to Philadelphia and as a result am continuing to experience the "pleasure" of which Bovee speaks. 

Sustaining Good Feelings

So, the question is: How is that I managed to metaphorically pack up my intangible emotions? Truthfully, I am not sure that I can offer an honest answer to this question because bring these good feelings back with me was truly an unconscious act. All I know is that they are here with me now. But I worry that once school gets back in full swing that I will somehow lose them while walking from one class to another. 

"It was easy to...maintain my good feelings...on vacation."

It was easy to experience and maintain my good feelings while I was away on vacation. I had no obligations. My only duty was to wake up in the morning, head to the beach, soak up the sun, read for pleasure, and drink margaritas. So obviously there was no concern that my happiness would cease because there was no outside force threatening it. Now that I am home and have somehow managed to bring these pleasant feelings along with me I am terrified of losing them. 

How can I continue feeling good?

How can we manage to sustain good feelings during our everyday lives, despite the many elements that could interfere with our abilities to do so? I would like us to consider two quotes as means of grappling with this question and potentially finding an answer to it. 

"Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention."

- Greg Anderson

This quote seems fitting with respect to the way in which I have managed to sustain the good feelings I experienced during my vacation. Of course Anderson's words could accompany a plethora of themes and notions; they can be applied to other situations in which we find ourselves. However, the idea of "focus" and its connection to "happiness in our lives" struck me. This thought can be applied in two ways. First, we can utilize focus in our everyday lives, especially in a moment of sadness of anguish, by remembering the things from our previous experiences that brought us happiness. 

"...the sunshine...always [brought] a smile to my face."

For example, the sunshine and the beautiful beach in Grand Cayman filled me with joy, always bringing a smile to my face. If I can hold onto these images, and choose to focus on them in mundane or unpleasant times, then I can elicit the sense of happiness that they provided me with while I was on vacation. I may not be on the beach, soaking up the sun, but I still have the memories and distinct images of the sun and sand ingrained in my mind. I can't physically find them as walk the streets of Philadelphia, but they exist within my head. I can tap into these mental pictures, focus on them, and allow them to bring me happiness and good feelings wherever I am. The second way in which we can apply Anderson's "focus" theory actually works well in conjunction with the following quote-

"Some pursue happiness, others create it."

- Author Unknown

Anderson suggests that we redirect our "attention" in order to have "happiness in our lives." I want to assert that we "focus" on the elements of our pleasant experiences that brought about good feelings within us. I was able to find happiness in a number of sources while I was away. I found joy in being able to read for pleasure. I loved having the opportunity to spend time with my Mother without any stressors or distractions. I had fun sitting in the hotel lobby or on the beach playing endless rounds of 500 Rummy. I couldn't help but feel pleased each time I took my first sip of a frozen peach margarita. And it was nice to take the time to get dressed up and go out to dinner. 

"...endless round of 500 Rummy."

Now that I have given "focus" to, and in doing so recognized, the different things and activities that brought me happiness while I was away, I can work to recreate them in my everyday life now that I am home. I may not be able to magically create 80 degree weather and white beaches, but I definitely have the power to incorporate some of the other aspects of my vacation into my routine. 

I certainly can't recreate this-

This is where Anderson's idea of "focus" and the above quotes assertion about "creat[ing] [happiness] are able to work together. Redirecting the "focus" of my "attention" helped me to determine what is was about vacation that evoked good feelings within me. Now I am equipped to "create [happiness]" in my everyday life by integrating these practices from my vacation. 

"I can plan activities to do with my Mom..."

I can easily make time to pick up a book and read a little bit each day. I can plan activities to do with my Mom that allow us to escape the pressures of reality, even if only for a short period. And I can arrange to have nice dinners with friends and family that require us to get dolled up. It is so simple for me to recreate these elements of my vacation even though I am now back in Philadelphia; it is all about choosing to take the time and effort that's required to incorporate these little things into my everyday life. If we are able to identify actions that bring us joy and are feasible to include into our routines then we have the capability of literally creating happiness for ourselves. Just because the "great joy" has passed does not mean that you need to slip back into the frustrating monotony that defines so many of our lives. Once we become hooked on happiness we do have the power to feed our fix. 

False advertising! Happiness requires a will and a want-

We must redirect our "attention" in order to summon pleasant memories and consequently good feelings is merely one way that we can sustain good feelings. We can also make the decision to  identify and focus the elements of our pleasant experiences that brought us joy, and then proceed to actively recreate these factors, in order to achieve happiness in our everyday lives. 

We may not be able to pack up our good feelings, shoving them into the confines of our carry-on bags, but with the right tools, we have the power to sustain them during our everyday lives and conjure up happiness no matter where we go! It's ok to be hooked on happiness once you've discovered your capacity to achieve it everywhere and anywhere!

Let the good times roll,

xo

Hooked on a Feeling, B.J. Thomas

Lets work to sustain good feelings during our everday lives-

If You Wanna Be Happy, Jimmy Soul

We hold the key to our own happiness-

Wish Upon a Star

Life Can Fulfill Your Wildest Dreams

Leaving Room for an Unexpected Change

Wish Upon a Star

So I know I recently wrote about surprises and how life can be shocking in my entry, Shh...It's a Surprise, but life has given me yet another unexpected pleasure that I feel the need to continue the discussion. As I mentioned before, I am currently on vacation with my Mother in the Cayman Islands. Our first two days were rainy and I was starting to feel a bit cheated. I hadn't gotten my fill of sun and my tan was not quite up to my personal standards. I expressed to my Mom how much I wished that we had just one more day here. But, of course, it was simply a wish and I had no reason to believe that it would ever come true. Finances, schedules, and personal obligations demanded that we return home the previously decided date. I had not left room for unexpected change nor did I take into account that life can surprise you and fulfill your wildest dreams. Less than 24 hours after I had expressed my longing to stay here an additional day life stepped in, in the form of a nor'easter heading towards Philadelphia, which consequentially interfered with our travel plans and forced us to push back our departure date. Perhaps my futile attempts at wishing weren't so futile after all. Maybe someone or something up in the heavens heard me. Maybe this wonderful, unexpected change is a result of good karma. Or perhaps it is just dumb luck. But, regardless of the reason, life has managed to shock me again and fulfill my wildest dream. 

"Life is a ticket to the greatest show on earth."

- Martin H. Fischer

My luck recently has proven this quote to be true. I have been gifted some phenomenal surprises over the course of the past few weeks. These unexpected changes have truly made for a grand "show" and I am finding that my ticket was worth any cost I may have paid in order to obtain it. We often associate change and the unexpected with negative feelings, results, and things. We are warned to always leave room the unexpected so that we don't get our hopes up, so that we are prepared when things don't work out, and to reduce the potential for disappointment. We forget that sometimes leaving room for the unexpected can be about prepping for exciting surprises and positive outcomes. 

I think its time that we start thinking about unexpected changes in a new way. Instead of assuming that they are bad we need to start considering that perhaps they can be good, even more than good; they can be credited for fulfilling our wildest dreams, whatever they may be. In my current case leaving room for an unexpected change required that I reorganize my schedule, count my pairs of clean underwear, and permit myself to let go and go with the flow of our new plan. Leaving room for the unexpected means allowing yourself a level of flexibility so that you can adjust to the change. Although I wasn't initially prepared for this extra day of vacation I was able to work with this change and allow myself to enjoy this bonus day. Of course accounting for the unexpected and being flexible is easy when its involving an added day of vacation or a situation that fulfills a seemingly impossible wish. The real question is, how do we manage to go with the flow when the change is less than ideal? So, I guess I want to try and tackle two ideas in the remainder of this entry: altering the negative associations that we may have with the unexpected and change, and figuring out how to leave room for unexpected changes, regardless of whether the change brings about positive or negative results.

Life Can Fulfill Our Wildest Dreams

Lets first deal with the way we look at change and attempt to reduce its negative connotation. Lets try to figure out how we can see unexpected change as possibilities, as positive, even as having the potential to fulfill our wildest dreams. I am going to present two quotes that I would like for us to consider with respect to life and change.

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."

- Lao Tzu

Tzu's quote is congruent with my statements regarding change as being unexpected and often surprising. He asserts that resisting change will only result in sorrow or unhappiness. This is another notion that I find to be true. The more we attempt to stop change from occurring, the stronger we hold on to the past or the way things once were, the more difficult it becomes to accept the new reality in which we live. Life does not stand still for anyone. Our time on earth is a truly a process and full of natural changes that come with the course of life- aging, having children, switching jobs, meeting new people, building friendships. We are constantly adding to our lives and likewise things are always being taken away, whether we like it or not. What we must focus on is acceptance and allowing life to progress in whatever way it chooses, because ultimately we have very little control over the "flow" of life.

"Don't resist [change]; that only creates sorrow."

Sometimes this flow works in our favor, like the nor'easter that has consequently extended my vacation. But often it works in ways which we don't appreciate, such as the loss of a loved one or the dissolution of a friendship. How can we learn to deal with life's "natural and spontaneous changes," learning to associate the unexpected with both the good as well as the bad? Well, this is where the second quote comes into play. This quote refers to the French concept of joie de vivre or joy of life, which I discussed at greater length in my recent post, C'est la Vie.

"Joie de vivre is about trusting that nothing happens without reason, and everything can turn out positive in the future."

- Jamie Cat Callan

Armed with these two quotes, I believe that we have the ability to alter the way we in which we think about life's changes and the unexpected. I think that we can learn to trust the natural flow of life and realize that even shifts that we initially regard as bad, can ultimately be seen as good. I'll admit that this is not an easy task. 

"I have spent the majority of my life avoiding change."

I have spent the majority of my life avoiding change. I have wasted many hours mourning the loss of relationships and wishing to return to earlier periods in my life. But, as Tzu said, resisting the change only brought about sadness. My feelings of nostalgia and sorrow may have been warranted by they truly were wasted. The change had happened, because that's the way life works, and no tears or anguish could stop the natural progression. It hasn't been until lately that I have learned that change does not equal bad. Unexpected does not mean unfortunate. In actuality both equate to not only progress but also possibilities. Life's unexpected changes have the potential to fulfill our wildest dreams if we remain open to the idea. If we are able to apply Callan's words to our everyday thinking than we are equipped to challenge our previous views of change, life's flow, and new realities. 

In Cayman taking advantage of this unexpected change-

Things happen because they are meant to be and not only that, everything has the chance to turn out positively. A cynic could look at this statement and scoff at its naivety or unsupported level of optimism. But for a moment lets try to remove the cynicism that so frequently taints our minds and thoughts. Lets think about these optimistic ideas with fresh eyes. Believing that "nothing happens without reason" allows us to provide an explanation, although not concrete, for each of life's twists and turns. I think there is a point in all of our lives when we find this notion to be true. We are running late for an appointment and as we are driving we see that a car accident has taken place just minutes earlier. Had we not been running late we easily could have been involved. The frustration of running late is diminished because in actuality it saved us from a larger problem. Or, during course registration, we are unable to get into a class that we had wanted. Later we hear friends complaining about how dull the professor is and the ridiculous amount of work that the class involves. The initial irritation we experienced because we couldn't get into the class disappears. Instead we are thankful that we managed to avoid a course that in reality is not as good as it appeared on paper. 

Things happen all the time that piss off, frustrate us, make us sad or angry, etc. But, so often, in hindsight, we are able to realize that we are better off for it. This concept feeds directly into the latter part of Callan's quote, "everything can turn out positive in the future." Events and experiences that at first we regard as bad or disappointing have the possibility to work out in our favor later on. At the beginning we may not understand or like life's natural flow. But, if we don't resist it, if we allow it to run its course, we may find that these "natural and spontaneous changes" bring us to exactly where we are supposed to be. Life's flow allows for things to work out, and sometimes it even fulfills our wildest dreams as long as we don't attempt to intercede of interfere. 

"Life's flow allows for things to work out..."

Now that I've attempted to alter our perceptions of change and the unexpected it is time that we deal with the issue of making room for unexpected changes. It's easy to be flexible and make room when the shift is overtly positive. The task becomes harder when the change, which so often was not anticipated, is seemingly bad or negative. I guess part of our willingness to be flexible and work with the shift comes from necessity. If we have lost our job or are forced to move for reasons that are beyond our control then we don't really have choice. In these cases unexpected change has been thrust upon us and consequently we have no choice but to adjust. But can we figure out a way to make the adjustment less painful and/or less forced? Can we incorporate a degree of flexibility into our lives and personalities so that newness and abrupt shifts don't jolt us so strongly? Is there a way that we can always leave room for an unexpected change in order to improve the way in which we respond to these shifts?

Flexibility in life is key-

"A guarantee in this life: Change! Flexibility is better than predictability!"

- Evinda Lapins

Just like Tzu, Lapins asserts that the only guarantee in life is that we will experience change. While her words seem typical and not exceptionally different from many other quotes, I chose her quote for a very specific reason. In my weird little mind, something about it alluded to an element of fun that comes with flexibility. Flexibility is preferable to predictability because predictability is boring and monotonous. Yes, change can be exhausting because it brings something new to the table; it demands that we make adjustments and learn to manage things that we hadn't needed to before. But, I am arguing that predictability, the same old routine, can be just as exhausting. Is it not tiring to do the same thing day after day, without the possibility that life may throw you something unexpected, something new and fun, a pleasurable experience that you hadn't anticipated, the chance that your wildest dreams may be met. Predictability is safe, but at the same time it is frustrating and dull. Could you imagine waking up every morning and knowing exactly how your day was going to progress, down to every minute detail? What is the point of getting up and living if you already know what is going to happen?

Flexibility and change can be fun !

Flexibility isn't just necessary but it is invigorating. It enables us to make room for unexpected changes and allows us  to embrace when life fulfills our wildest dreams, rather than responding to these unforeseen circumstances with stress and irritation. If we can approach life with a level of flexibility than our opportunities become infinite and we are able to truly enjoy pleasurable changes, on the off chance that our wish upon a star actually becomes a reality. 

"I am not forcing flexibility upon you."

I am not forcing flexibility upon you. You do have a choice. You can decide to live a life of predictability rather than one of flexibility. However, I must warn you that choosing predictability is not likely to work out in the long run, simply because it is not compatible with the nature of life. Life is ever changing, it flows in directions we never anticipated, and it takes us down roads we never could have imagined. If you choose to live a life of predictability than you will be poorly equipped to manage the constantly shifting nature of life. You are also opting to miss out on "the best show on earth." 

Sometimes we must resort to a new plan-

Life will shock and amaze us by tossing unexpected challenges and opportunities our way. If we pick predictability over flexibility than we are bound to miss out on life's ability to fulfill our wildest dreams. For these reasons, I strongly encourage you, as well as myself, to live a life of flexibility and fun. I understand how difficult this can be, (I am OCD and an incessant planner after all), but I firmly believe that refusing to be flexible will only serve to limit us and prevent us from enjoying the "show." If we can metaphorically throw our day planners out the window, (G-d forbid I ever do such a thing), and wrap our heads around the idea that things don't necessarily need to go according to plan in order to be great, than we have opened the door to accepting and making the most of every unexpected change that comes our way. 

Changes may not always appear to be good, often, at first glance, they can seem quite horrible. But, if we can learn to trust the "flow" of life, remind ourselves that everything happens for a reason, and incorporate flexibility into our lives, than we are sufficiently armed with the ability to not only accept change, but to recognize that it has the potential of fulfilling our wildest dreams.

Change happens so it's time that we learn to deal with it,
xo

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes, from Disney's Animated Film, Cinderella

Walt Disney's Cinderella (1950) "...the dreams that you wish may come true."

Shh...It's a Surprise!!

Unexpected Joys

Life Can Be Shocking

Shh...It's a Surprise!!

If I have learned anything over the course of the past couple days it's that people, things, and life are unpredictable. As soon as I have finally come to terms with the way things are, expecting and accepting each day to be pretty much the same as every other, life shocks me by treating me to unexpected joys. Because of my multiple times in treatment for my eating disorder I have had the opportunity to make a countless numbers of friends of varying ages, from all over the world, and from numerous different paths of life; but, of course, there are those few friends with whom I created instantaneous, unbreakable bonds who I continue to think about every single day. Unfortunately a number of factors- time, distance, work, lapses and relapses, and life in general- prevent us from seeing and talking to each other as frequently as I would like. But no matter what, these extraordinary friends will forever have a special place in my heart, and regardless of what happens I will always consider them to be my best friends, even part of my family. Our level of closeness makes every interaction that we have invaluable and fills me with a level of excitement and happiness that is not even possible to articulate. 

When we do get to see each other I find myself wondering if the situation is truly real or if it is just a dream; it wouldn't be a completely insane notion considering I do often dream about seeing these good friends who I rarely have the chance to interact and/or be with. But over the past few days life has surprised me by turning my dreams into realities on two separate occasions. The first event involved one of my dearest friends from treatment who I literally consider to be a second mother to me. She is nearly 40 years old, a college professor, married, and has her doctorates; clearly we lead very different lives. But somehow despite our differences we have been able to create and sustain an incomparable connection. However, sadly she is often very sick, involved in her eating disorder and dropping to scarily low weights, which makes it nearly impossible for us to be in contact with each other; she is either frequently intentionally isolating or too exhausted to even attempt to focus on her relationships with other people after fulfilling the obligations that her full-time job demands. She has recently pulled one of her "disappearing acts" and I decided to text her just to check in and let her know that she was on my mind. I wasn't even expecting a response so I was certainly shocked when she texted me back and suggested that we get together because she was going to be in the area. We met up and talked for only a little over an hour while she had time to kill between meetings. But, this face-to-face interaction was one of the most joyful experiences that I have had in a long time. 

Life shocked me by providing me with this unexpected joy, the opportunity to see, hug, and connect with my second mom, and it reminded me that we don't always need to be actively pursuing happiness; often, it will find us when we are least expecting it.

Callan's guide to happiness-

"Resist chasing after happiness and give happiness a chance to sneak up on you and 'find' you in unexpected moments."

- Jamie Cat Callan, Bonjour, Happiness! Secrets to Finding Your "Joie de Vivre"

I can't imagine a more appropriate quote for this entry and my personal experience. I most definitely wasn't expecting life to surprise me with this happy and gratifying experience. I sent a text to my friend out of the blue with no expectation that she would even bother responding. She was pulling one of her "disappearing acts" that she tends to engage in when she is not doing well with her eating disorder. But happiness chose to "sneak up" and "find" me when my friend suggested that we get together. I wasn't looking for happiness, yet I managed to come across it anyways because life opted to shock me with an unexpected joy. After seeing my friend I was completely elated and I couldn't imagine that my day could possibly get any better. But, again, I was wrong. Life was not through surprising me with unexpected and unsolicited pleasure. 

So Happy, Andy Warhol (1958)

Later that evening I heard from my other best friend from treatment (I have 3, each from a different time in treatment) who I literally haven't been in contact with in months. We are basically identical in almost every way- same eating disorder, same height, same hair color, same likes and dislikes, same cigarettes, same habits (good as well as bad), same attitude about our illness, and same perspectives about fun, happiness, and life- it's almost creepy. Our similarities are so strong and significant that we even refer to each other as "twinny." Our intense bond was strong and instantaneous and we became inseparable after only a few hours of knowing each other. We could finish each other's sentences, changed in front of each other, comforted one another, were ridiculously honest with each other, and trusted and loved each other despite the short length of our relationship. During this past spring we managed to get together almost every week and we always were able to have an absurd and fabulous time no matter what we were doing. She had the ability to make me feel alive and forget about my worries and issues. But as time went by, and we both became increasingly engaged in other areas of our lives, we haven't been able to stay in touch to the same degree that we once could. 

Me and my "twinny" !

I still love her unconditionally and I am pretty sure that the feeling is mutual but we just can't seem to consistently turn these feelings into actions. I constantly will send texts that go unanswered. We try to make plans and they nearly always fall through. Maintaining contact just seems impossibly difficult; so, although I consider her to be my "twin" and one of my dearest friends, I don't expect to hear from her or see her very often. Yesterday she surprised me when she reached out to me via Facebook. This initial message led to a series of messages, which ultimately resulted in lengthy text conversations, and again offered me an unexpected joy. Just communicating with her was able to provoke the happy, warm, and good feelings that I had experienced when we were able to spend time together. This second interaction solidified my belief that life can be shocking and that happiness will "find" us even when we are not actively looking for it nor expecting it.

"Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."

- John Barrymore

This quote is so true for me in both these situations. When I initially texted my second mother I wasn't looking for a response and I wasn't hoping or anticipating that she would provide me with any more joy than I already had. (I was feeling pretty good at the time so I wasn't necessarily on the look out for opportunities that would bring me happiness.) After seeing my friend I was feeling even better, so again, I wasn't on the hunt for additional happiness. In fact, I was thinking, "How could I possibly feel any better than I do right now?" But then my other friend, my "twin," contacted me unexpectedly, allowing further happiness to "sneak" into my life. I wasn't wanting or looking for more happiness or joy; it just came to me by surprise the "a door" that had apparently been "left open!" 

This is what my good friends do for me-

I know that these situations may sound small or insignificant but they truly meant the world to me, filling me with a level of joy that I haven't had in a long time. I have gotten so used to my predictable, structured, monotonous and somewhat mundane life that I have forgotten what it feels like to experience a pleasant surprise. The surprise doesn't need to be huge or monumental in order for it to make a big impact on you and your life in a positive way.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

- Robert Brault

I picked this quote because it brings up the potential significance of the supposedly "little things," such as my recent interactions with my two best friends. I agree with this notion, but a part of me feels the need to counter Brault's statement, questioning, Why do we need to wait until a later point in time to recognize and/or ascribe value to these "little things?" 

In my mind anything that brings us joy, no matter how small or simple they may seem, are worthy of being deemed significant or "big." In actuality, sometimes it's these "little things" that provide us with the highest degrees of happiness. You may not understand why these recent unexpected joys brought me the amount of excitement that they did. You might not get why I consider basic communication with friends as a "big thing." But really, none of that is important; what matters is that I recognize how valuable these surprises were to me and my happiness. Likewise, I probably don't understand the importance and/or value of all of the "little things" that bring you joy. Again, my lack of understanding is insignificant. I am suggesting that we look at Brault's quote and take it one step further. Lets not wait to recognize the worth of all the small and simple things that bring us pleasure. Instead, I am encouraging us to denote these things as "big" right now. In this moment we can choose to give these "little things" the credit that they deserve. 

"...you can find happiness anywhere and everywhere...when we are not really concentrating on capturing [it], [it] will suddenly appear in our peripheral vision..."

- Jamie Cat Callan, Bonjour, Happiness! Secrets to Finding Your "Joie de Vivre"

We don't always need to be searching for happiness. Occasionally life will shock us by throwing it in our laps. If we acknowledge that the "little things" are actually "big" simply because of the fact that they bring us gladness the more likely we are to see that happiness truly is "anywhere and everywhere" and the more frequently we will be gifted unexpected joys. I have a long list of seemingly tiny, common, or trivial things that provide with a level of delight that others would consider uncalled for or inappropriate. 
My favorite simple pleasures include fancy stationary, stickers, any and all things involving France, expensive candles, and Hello Kitty. (This is just a short sampling from my lengthy list of little delights.)  My extensive list of diverse likes allows life to surprise me and provide me with unexpected joys on a regular basis. I will walk into the drug store to buy cigarettes and then all of a sudden...surprise- they are selling Hello Kitty stickers and Pez dispensers, consequently instantly lifting my spirits when I did not expect it. I head into my school's bookstore to pick up a text book for class and I am lured by the card section, which catches me off guard because it offers my favorite brand of luxury stationary and cards. Yet again, unexpected and instant happiness is tossed my way.

I go into Urban Outfitters in order to buy some new tights (considering mine always seem to have a run in them) and the first thing I see is a display filled with expensive, beautifully fragrant candles. I went in for a basic necessity and was surprised when I found that the store sold one of my favorite "little things." I entered expecting to leave with only a few pairs of tights in hand. Instead, I left with not just tights, and not just a candle, but a little bit of joy and a smile on my face as well. Why am I blabbering on and telling you all this, talking about candles and Hello Kitty and daily errands? Well, it's because I am trying to demonstrate to you that happiness really is "anywhere and everywhere." The more open we are to ascribing value to the small things that bring us pleasure, the more likely it is that life will shock us with unexpected joys. My best friends, who I rarely see and don't get to speak to that often, reached out to me and I was absolutely thrilled. Others may consider my level of gladness to be an over reaction or silly; however, connecting with close friends is yet another "little thing" that I regard as a "big thing." Life shocked me when I heard from my friends and I was blessed with two separate experiences of unexpected joy.

"My best friends...reached out to me and I was absolutely thrilled."

Think about the different things in life that bring you happiness- magazines, decorative pillows, picture frames, lip balm, cup cakes, coffee table books, anything at all! Give these "little things," which others may not see the meaningfulness of, the value and significance they they deserve. These pleasures are "big things" for no other reason than the fact that they fill you with cheerfulness. Once you have ascribed them the value you that they deserve I think you will discover that you are surprised with unexpected joys more and more. Don't disregard how substantial these simple pleasures are and don't allow yourself to forget that life can be shocking. Unexpected joys will find you when you are least expecting it. You may not be actively pursuing happiness but that does not mean that it will not find you anyways. 

Be open to embracing life's happy surprises,
xo

Life can be shocking, bringing unexpected joys !