Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Feeling Triumphant

The Sweet Smell of Success

Continue to Pursue Your Goals

After a long and brutal semester I have finally finished and I am feeling triumphant! This past September, as the Fall semester began, I felt concerned; I doubted my abilities to see it to the end. My initial goal was to complete the semester without having to take medical leave. As the semester progressed and the end drew near my goal shifted. I no longer wanted to merely finish the semester. I wanted to go out with a bang, ending it with the same commitment, fortitude, and and dedication that I showed throughout the course of the semester. Today I can sit here and say with confidence that I have achieved my goal and success smells sweet. These past few months were filled with intense challenges- weight loss, stressful doctor appointments, some symptom use, social issues, depression, mental breakdowns- but I never stopped pursuing my goal. 

Don't let obstacles get in your way-
"Obstacles are those frightful things you seen when you take your eyes off your goal."

- Henry Ford

We all experiences struggles and obstacles in our life. We can recognize and feel strife regarding them. Upset in the face of challenge is warranted. But we cannot allow them to act as barriers or stop us from continuing on in pursuit of our dreams. I know my life would probably be easier if I didn't suffer from anorexia. My struggles would be fewer and perhaps less debilitating. But, I can honestly say that my struggles makes my achievements feel exponentially more rewarding. I know what I have had to overcome and how hard I have had to fight in order to achieve my goal. I had to put in the hard academic work that all students face but I had to manage more than just classes and assignments. I am a full time student but I am also a full time anorexic who is working to live and find happiness in my life. 
Fighting for happiness every day !
Both roles require time, effort, and energy. Sometimes it is overwhelming attempting to manage both. My anorexic thoughts permeate my mind when I am trying to finish an assignment or focus in class. My school work adds stress that leads me to resort to symptom use or strengthens my depressive thoughts. But ultimately I found the balance. Finishing the semester marks numerous achievements for me. I achieved my goal as a student who wants to move forward and graduate. I fought my numerous struggles and beat them, revealing my strength and capabilities to myself. Completing this semester fulfilled my goal as an anorexic who longs for a life, a sense of normalcy, and happiness. I showed myself and my family that I can take care of myself and succeed in my endeavors despite the disease and associated challenges that plague me every day. The amount of success I have achieved in fulfilling this single goal is astronomical; it bolsters my feeling of triumph. I could not stop smiling to myself last night after I submitted my final assignment. I am reveling in my freedom and enjoying the sweet smell of success. 
Success smells sweeter than homemade cupcakes !
I am excited, amazed, shocked, and unbelievably happy all at once. Over the past week or so I have been expressing that Christmas and the holiday would be all that more rewarding if we committed ourselves to our last few tasks and completed them diligently and to the best of our abilities. I am here today to tell you that this notion is correct. As much as I wanted to slack off or give up as the semester came to a close I never did. I did not let my commitment waver. I produced finished products that reflect my level of intelligence as well as my abilities and dedication as a student. Knowing that I put forth my best effort is allowing me to sit back now and relax. I am proud of the work I turned in and I am not overly concerned about the grades I will receive. I know I did the best I possibly could. I worked feverishly until the very end. The break that I now have the pleasure to enjoy is all that more rewarding because I know I never gave up. The common phrase "Anything worth doing is worth doing well" holds true. There is no point in dedicating any amount of time to a given task if you don't intend to complete it to the best of your ability. You ultimately do a disservice to yourself by producing work that doesn't accurately reflect your capabilities as a student, teacher, employee, parent, or person in general. If you still have work ahead of you then try and trust these sentiments that I have shared with you. Complete your obligations with all the energy and strength that you have left. This feeling of triumph and the sweet smell of success is well worth the hours I spent toiling over my final assignments.

"Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it."

- Author Unknown

I chose this quote because it focuses on the process rather than the finished product. I don't know what grades I have earned this semester but I can still relish in the sweet smell of success because I know what I had to do and what I had to give up in order to get to this point. The process was far from easy and I feel all that more successful for knowing that I was able to get through it. I gave up sleep, time with friends, moments of relaxation, family gatherings, the ability to act on eating disordered urges, cuddling with Milly, and perhaps even a bit of my sanity in pursuit of my goals. Sometimes our goals demand that we give up on some things in order to attain the final prize: success. Although I missed out or was unable to do certain things over this past semester I do not regret it for a moment. Nothing- a day of restricting, a night out, a holiday brunch with my family, a good night's rest- is better than this triumphant feeling that I am currently experiencing. I urge you to continue working and fighting, no matter what it takes, until the very end so that you are able share this amazing feeling with me. While I just completed a large personal goal this feeling motivates me to continue setting and pursuing goals in the future. Nothing beats accomplishing a goal and experiencing that sweet smell of success!

Continue fighting, working, and pursuing your goals,

I think success is sweet !

7 Days Til Christmas

Hark! The Herald Angels Sings, from the animated film A Charlie Brown Christmas 

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)


  1. I know I must stay focused. Thanks for reminding me how and how good the reward can feel. Congratulations to you. I only have one more assignment and have motivation to finish with a bang.