Carry-On Luggage

Hooked on Happiness

Sustaining Good Feelings During Our Everyday Lives

"I wanted...to pack [the good feelings] in my carry-on luggage..."

I am back from vacation and currently sitting in the Saxbys on Penn's campus. The break proved to be exactly what I needed in order to be refueled and revived. I am bursting with good feelings that are stemming from the wonderful trip that I was able to take with my Mom. As I left the Cayman Islands I found that I had gained more than just a kick ass tan. I was departing with new feelings- calm, relaxed, hopeful, contented, energized, and happy. I was enjoying these feelings so much; I was truly hooked. I wanted to be able to bottle them up (in a 3.4 oz container of course) and somehow manage to pack them in my carry-on luggage and bring them back to Philadelphia with me. Of course I knew that was an impossibility because feelings and emotions are not tangible items that we can put away and store for later.

Hooked on Happiness

But still, I am so hooked on happiness that I need to figure out a way to sustain these good feelings so that they are able to positive influence me and my everyday life. After experiencing something pleasant- vacations, a good date, receiving praise, a reunion with an old friend- we are left with good feelings and happiness. But so often we fear the end of the happy event because we are concerned that once it is over- the trips ends, you have your goodnight kiss, your friend says farewell- that good feelings will cease to exist as well. Seeking and enjoying pleasantries is important; but it is probably more important that we learn a means of sustaining the resulting good feelings. 

Not all pleasures will make us jump for joy-

"Tranquil pleasures last the longest; we are not fitted to bear the burden of great joys."

- Christian Nestell Bovee

I chose to include Bovee's quote because I feel that it provides an explanation for why these moments, which bring us such overwhelming delight, must end. We are not meant to be overjoyed in all instances of our lives. If every moment or experience was a "great joy" they would start to lost their worth and meaning. It is the fact that these "great joys" are scarce that makes them so special and pleasurable. Perhaps it is the ability to maintain the good feelings, which accompany these moments of elation that allow us to achieve the longer lasting "tranquil pleasures."The "great joys" get us hooked on happiness.

It is this love of happiness and joy that leads us to pursue means of sustaining good feelings even during the monotony of our everyday lives. Just because happy experiences or "great joys" end does not mean that the positive emotions that they induce need to be fleeting. We can manage to hold on to these feelings- contentment, peace, happiness, etc.- so that they play a role in our everyday lives and provide us with the less demanding "tranquil pleasures." Although I was unable to literally pack up my positive emotions, tucking them away in my carry-on luggage somewhere between my dirty socks and the souvenir candle I purchased for a friend, I do believe that I have managed to bring these good feelings with me back to Philadelphia and as a result am continuing to experience the "pleasure" of which Bovee speaks. 

Sustaining Good Feelings

So, the question is: How is that I managed to metaphorically pack up my intangible emotions? Truthfully, I am not sure that I can offer an honest answer to this question because bring these good feelings back with me was truly an unconscious act. All I know is that they are here with me now. But I worry that once school gets back in full swing that I will somehow lose them while walking from one class to another. 

"It was easy to...maintain my good feelings...on vacation."

It was easy to experience and maintain my good feelings while I was away on vacation. I had no obligations. My only duty was to wake up in the morning, head to the beach, soak up the sun, read for pleasure, and drink margaritas. So obviously there was no concern that my happiness would cease because there was no outside force threatening it. Now that I am home and have somehow managed to bring these pleasant feelings along with me I am terrified of losing them. 

How can I continue feeling good?

How can we manage to sustain good feelings during our everyday lives, despite the many elements that could interfere with our abilities to do so? I would like us to consider two quotes as means of grappling with this question and potentially finding an answer to it. 

"Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention."

- Greg Anderson

This quote seems fitting with respect to the way in which I have managed to sustain the good feelings I experienced during my vacation. Of course Anderson's words could accompany a plethora of themes and notions; they can be applied to other situations in which we find ourselves. However, the idea of "focus" and its connection to "happiness in our lives" struck me. This thought can be applied in two ways. First, we can utilize focus in our everyday lives, especially in a moment of sadness of anguish, by remembering the things from our previous experiences that brought us happiness. 

"...the sunshine...always [brought] a smile to my face."

For example, the sunshine and the beautiful beach in Grand Cayman filled me with joy, always bringing a smile to my face. If I can hold onto these images, and choose to focus on them in mundane or unpleasant times, then I can elicit the sense of happiness that they provided me with while I was on vacation. I may not be on the beach, soaking up the sun, but I still have the memories and distinct images of the sun and sand ingrained in my mind. I can't physically find them as walk the streets of Philadelphia, but they exist within my head. I can tap into these mental pictures, focus on them, and allow them to bring me happiness and good feelings wherever I am. The second way in which we can apply Anderson's "focus" theory actually works well in conjunction with the following quote-

"Some pursue happiness, others create it."

- Author Unknown

Anderson suggests that we redirect our "attention" in order to have "happiness in our lives." I want to assert that we "focus" on the elements of our pleasant experiences that brought about good feelings within us. I was able to find happiness in a number of sources while I was away. I found joy in being able to read for pleasure. I loved having the opportunity to spend time with my Mother without any stressors or distractions. I had fun sitting in the hotel lobby or on the beach playing endless rounds of 500 Rummy. I couldn't help but feel pleased each time I took my first sip of a frozen peach margarita. And it was nice to take the time to get dressed up and go out to dinner. 

"...endless round of 500 Rummy."

Now that I have given "focus" to, and in doing so recognized, the different things and activities that brought me happiness while I was away, I can work to recreate them in my everyday life now that I am home. I may not be able to magically create 80 degree weather and white beaches, but I definitely have the power to incorporate some of the other aspects of my vacation into my routine. 

I certainly can't recreate this-

This is where Anderson's idea of "focus" and the above quotes assertion about "creat[ing] [happiness] are able to work together. Redirecting the "focus" of my "attention" helped me to determine what is was about vacation that evoked good feelings within me. Now I am equipped to "create [happiness]" in my everyday life by integrating these practices from my vacation. 

"I can plan activities to do with my Mom..."

I can easily make time to pick up a book and read a little bit each day. I can plan activities to do with my Mom that allow us to escape the pressures of reality, even if only for a short period. And I can arrange to have nice dinners with friends and family that require us to get dolled up. It is so simple for me to recreate these elements of my vacation even though I am now back in Philadelphia; it is all about choosing to take the time and effort that's required to incorporate these little things into my everyday life. If we are able to identify actions that bring us joy and are feasible to include into our routines then we have the capability of literally creating happiness for ourselves. Just because the "great joy" has passed does not mean that you need to slip back into the frustrating monotony that defines so many of our lives. Once we become hooked on happiness we do have the power to feed our fix. 

False advertising! Happiness requires a will and a want-

We must redirect our "attention" in order to summon pleasant memories and consequently good feelings is merely one way that we can sustain good feelings. We can also make the decision to  identify and focus the elements of our pleasant experiences that brought us joy, and then proceed to actively recreate these factors, in order to achieve happiness in our everyday lives. 

We may not be able to pack up our good feelings, shoving them into the confines of our carry-on bags, but with the right tools, we have the power to sustain them during our everyday lives and conjure up happiness no matter where we go! It's ok to be hooked on happiness once you've discovered your capacity to achieve it everywhere and anywhere!

Let the good times roll,

xo

Hooked on a Feeling, B.J. Thomas

Lets work to sustain good feelings during our everday lives-

If You Wanna Be Happy, Jimmy Soul

We hold the key to our own happiness-

Mean People Suck

Bitches are Everywhere

Dealing With Individuals Whom We Dislike

Mean People Suck

No matter your age, occupation, gender, or situation it is impossible to avoid individuals whom we dislike or don't get along with because quite frankly, bitches are everywhere. Mean people suck but unfortunately we are often forced to deal with them in a number of situations- at work, in social settings, in the classroom, on the street, and even in line at Starbucks. It seems that despite how hard we try to eliminate mean people and negative interactions from our lives they always find a way to sneak back in. Perhaps it is because of there abundance; could it be true that bitches are everywhere? Or maybe we continue to encounter individuals whom we dislike (or G-d forbid people who don't like us) because we are all so different and these differences make it impossible to be compatible with everyone.

"You can please some of the people all the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time."

- John Lydgate

This is a quote that is frequently over used however its prominence does not detract from its valuable meaning. I find it relevant to this entry because it indirectly speaks to the fact that there are just people out there who we cannot please and likewise individuals who are unable to please us. Put simply, we can't get along with everyone. Luckily, we typically have the option to choose who we do and don't spend time with. We have the ability to pick friends with whom we mesh. We can choose to surround ourselves with positive people that add to our lives and enhance our happiness. We have the luxury of deciding who is worth our time and effort. But, sometimes we are not given this choice. There are occasions and situations that force us to interact with mean people or bitches or individuals whom we dislike. 

"We have the ability to pick friends with whom we mesh."

In my life this fact has materialized in the relationship I have with one of my current teachers. From day one we just did not get along. Her teaching style does not correspond with the methods of my previous teachers. Her knowledge of the subject and course material is certainly lacking (and that is putting it kindly.) And I automatically sensed bad energy radiating off of her and heading my direction. It felt as if my presence in the classroom was and is a nuisance to her. I don't know the reason for this initial and mutual dislike but I have definitely been aware of it since the beginning of the semester. As the past weeks have gone by I have picked up on subtle cues that she was not fond of me but I attempted to ignore them or set them aside because I didn't want to create an issue. (She is after all my teacher and subsequently the individual who will be evaluating me and grading my assignments. It is certainly less than ideal to piss off the person who has more authority than you- teacher, boss, parent, supervisor.) However recently the tension that has been building came to a head in the form of a face-to-face confrontation. The details of the situation are unimportant in order to present my case. Both of us were in the wrong, I admitted fault and apologized, and I even agreed to attempt to meet her requests in order to improve the relationship. But as I left the discussion it became apparently clear to me that this teacher was simply one of those people that I could not please. Although our negative feelings toward each other are now out in the open we still need to complete an even more daunting task: figuring out how to deal with one another for the remainder of the semester despite our mutual dislike. It's easy to say that mean people suck and it's even relatively easy to come to terms with the fact that bitches are everywhere; but neither of these statements will solve the issue at hand. How are we able to deal with people whom we dislike? I am going to turn to a book that I recently bought, Instant Happy by Karen Salmansohn, in an attempt to answer this question. The book suggests to,

"View your tormentors as mentors. Ask yourself, 'What is this person meant to teach me?' Every person in our lives has a lesson to teach. Some lessons include: How to be stronger, how to be more communicative, when to trust your intuition, how to be more self-loving, when to let go, why you want to be nothing like this person."

As I was flipping through the book today I came across the page that included this notion; it was exactly what I needed to read and/or hear at the moment. I was so angry at this teacher and frustrated that I was going to have to interact her for the next 2 months. I strongly dislike her and just what to be rid of her but I know that this desire is an impossibility. I needed to figure out a way to approach the situation that would enable me to deal with her and allow me to continue making progress as a student.

This perspective, viewing those we dislike and/or bitches as people who are meant to teach us something, allows me to recognize the value in this bad relationship. This instructor has the ability to teach me a few of the aforementioned lessons: how to be stronger, when to let go, and why I want to be nothing like her. During our confrontation today I was able to stand my ground and make clear, rational, and persuasive points. Despite being emotionally distraught I remained strong enough to articulate a fair and honest argument in order to support my case. This bitchy teacher helped me realize that I can maintain a strong mind and sound point of view in the face of adversity or a threat. Her negativity toward me also guided me toward the fact that I needed to let go. It became clear that I am not going to be able to manifest a close relationship with  like I have had with my previous instructors and professors. She showed me that it is time for me to stop trying to create something out of nothing. I need to let go of the idea that I will connect with her and accept the connection for what it is- a shitty relationship between a teacher and an over zealous student (ie. myself.) 

Bitches are Everywhere

Lastly this instructor is the perfect example of who I never want to be and what I want to be nothing like. She neglected to acknowledge my positive attributes- passion for the topic and my ambition- and cast a negative light upon these qualities, asserting that my questions disrupted the course of the class and that my participation often led our discussions astray. I was confused by her criticism because I have always been applauded for speaking up when I don't understand something (often my confusion reflects that of other students who fear using their voice or admitting a lack of comprehension.) Additionally, most instructors have always commented on my willingness to engage in class discussions and the positive contributions that I bring to class via participation. This teacher's critiques left me perplexed; she was making claims that completely countered everything I have been told by professors in the past. Her condemnation for my level and quality of class participation has left me feeling embarrassed and insecure. I no longer want to add to class discussions because I am afraid of being judged and/or disliked by this teacher. The person who is supposed to inspire students, build confidence, and promote ambition has single handedly thwarted my desire to contribute in the classroom. She has instilled a fear within me that will certainly prevent me from reaping the full benefits of the course and consequently hinder my ability to advance my knowledge in the subject. 

Shall we learn to deal with individuals whom we dislike?

I want to be nothing like her because I never want to be responsible for detracting from someones passion. I never want someone to fear expressing themselves because of my potential reaction. And I refuse to ever condemn a person for exhibiting genuine interest and care about a topic. This instructor was mean to me and that sucks; however, her nasty words and behaviors prompted me to think about the person that I want to be. I want to inspire people, help others recognize their passions, foster interest in different subjects, and be a positive influence for anyone that I encounter. By thinking about this teacher as a "mentor" rather than a "tormentor" I can continue to learn from her throughout the remainder of the semester. Dealing with her may not be easy or pleasurable but at least I can find some value in the relationship. However this approach can be difficult to implement; we can't always see past our dislike and find a way to recognize the positive in a negative situation. Sometimes the only way to deal with individuals whom we dislike is to make light.

"Make light" of the situation-

"If evil be said of thee, and if it be true, correct thyself;  if it be a lie, laugh at it."

- Epictetus

The portion of this quote that I want to focus on is the final line- "if it be a lie, laugh at it." So often we are unable to get along with people because they dislike us for reasons that are untrue or misconstrued. 

"...people dislike us for reasons that are untrue..."

For example, in my case, my instructor finds issue with me because she interprets my behavior in class as being inconsiderate or selfish. However I know that her perception of me is incorrect. I speak often and ask numerous questions not because I am solely concerned with my self-interest but because I have a true desire to understand the concepts and learn. I know that my level of participation is a consequence of my want to learn and reflective of my zeal. However, she has interpreted my actions in a different and incorrect way; she has misconstrued my motives and consequently has formulated a falsified image of me as a student and a person. Perhaps this is one of the main reasons for our inability to get along. My case is not unique; frequently people misunderstand and/or misinterpret our actions and subsequently form a negative opinion about us. In these cases maybe the best thing for us to do is to just laugh it off. We know what our true desires and intentions are. We cannot blame ourselves for other's interpretations nor can we control how other people perceive us. When we have difficulty with others because of their own inaccurate perceptions and assumptions we need to simply let go, as the previous quote suggested. Remind yourself of your true intent or motives behind your behavior. 

Sometimes you must laugh it off-

Accept that this person with whom you don't get along has created an untrue idea of who you are and what you are about. And then just say fuck it. Laugh about it. Add some levity to the situation. You know that they are wrong but you don't have the capability of altering their view; therefore the only thing you can do to cope with the situation and/or deal with the individual is to laugh. They are wrong and that is not your fault. Sometimes we just have people in our lives who suck. Joke about the fact that they are stupid, judgmental, or incorrect. Often the best cure for unfortunate situations is laughter. If you can't appreciate the relationship for its value than at least take advantage of its humorous element. Yet, sometimes even this approach is too difficult to accomplish or its simply inappropriate and then we are forced to find a new means of dealing with individuals whom we dislike. We are left with one last way of handling mean people or bitches- gaining a level of tolerance. This method is not easy either; in fact it may be the most difficult. But if we are unable to like someone, often the best alternative is to at least find a way to tolerate them.

"It requires less character to discover the faults of others than it does to tolerate them."

- J. Petit Senn

It is very easy to pick apart other people, recognizing and criticizing all of their misdoings and inadequacies. But at the end of the day what does this practice serve us? Great, I can call my teacher a bitch, I can say that she is mean and unjust, I can assert that she has poor teaching skills, and question her knowledge of the subject; but ultimately how do any of those things help me? Ok, they may make me feel better momentarily but they don't support my cause or goal: learning about the topic and earning a good grade the course. Ultimately I have to figure out how to deal with my instructor whom I dislike in order to achieve my desired ends. I can try to recognize the value of the negative relationship and learn about myself from it. I can add levity to the situation and laugh about her misconceptions as a means of getting myself through the remainder of the semester. But if these methods fail me I am left with my one, final tool: tolerance. 

I am viewing tolerance as a skill that can be learned or a circumstance that we can adjust to. For example, when we turn off the lights and are left in pitch black we are unable to see at first. But, as time goes by, our eyes begin to adjust to the new lighting and we are able to see things that we could not see initially. Lets imagine tolerance in the same way. Perhaps at first the circumstance or person seems absolutely unbearable. But, as time progresses we can learn to adjust, tolerating their faults, shortcomings, and irritating behavior. Hopefully with time I will be able to adjust and gain a level of tolerance with respect to my  instructor. Think about the people who you interact with from day-to-day. I am sure there are a number of individuals whom you dislike that you are forced to engage with because of work, school, family relations, etc.

Fix the way you deal with those you dislike so that you can live with them-

How have you been dealing with these people? What is your method of handling negative relations? Is it working for you? Is it negatively impacting others around you? Is it prohibiting you from performing to the best of your ability? If your current way of dealing with these bitches who seem to be everywhere isn't really working for you then it is time to implement a change. Take your pick- find value in a seemingly negative situation, laugh it off, or manage to gain a level of tolerance. Mean people suck but unfortunately we are going to continue to encounter them for the duration of our lives, and sometimes we don't have the option to avoid interaction with them. Therefore we need to adopt a means of dealing with people whom we dislike; if we don't we are sure to suffer- mentally, emotionally, academically, professionally, and personally. We can't afford to limit ourselves because we are unable to please and/or get along with everyone whom we encounter. I encourage you to make use of one of these tactics the next time you are forced to come face-to-face with one of your "tormentors." You have the strength within you and now you have the equipment to deal with the abundance of mean people that populate this earth. Don't let someone whom you dislike prohibit your success. Don't let bitches stand in the way of your ability to move forward. Let us acknowledge that mean people suck and then use our power to deal with them.

Use your strength to beat the bitches,
xo

Don't let the bitches waste your time; learn, laugh, and/or tolerate instead !

"family.ca," Anti-bullying Ad for bullying.org-

Game Change

Taking Steps to Regain Control

Your Decisions, Your Actions, Your Life

Over the past few days I have been completely and utterly exhausted; there were two days this weekend that I didn't manage to get out of bed until 6 pm. I have been moving through life so rapidly and engaging in different activities non-stop; I was bound to crash at some point. My life has been going at a pace that I just can't seem to keep up with. I am unhappy with some of the choices I have been making- going out incessantly, drinking often, staying up late- and it's time that I incorporate some major alterations into my life; it's time for a game change because the game I have been playing recently is simply not manageable. It's impossible to give 110% in all areas of your life- school, socializing, family, friends- and not expect some physical and/or mental repercussions. For me these repercussions materialized in my sleeping for basically two days straight. In terms of academic responsibilities I can't afford to lose two days to sleep. It is physically painful because lying in bed for 48 hours results in aches and stiff muscles that take a few days to mend. And emotionally, disappearing from the world and being inactive and nonproductive for that length of time is debilitating. I wake up feeling fat, lazy, and worthless. My stress and anxiety shoot through the roof as I realize the amount of time I have lost and the work that I need to catch up on. I feel as if I have lost control over of my decisions, actions, and life. This lack of control results in further situations that create feelings of chaos, such as my sleeping for two days and missing classes. As I think about this upcoming week I am conscious of the fact that I hope to make a game change. This change involves taking steps to regain control over my life and beginning to truly own my decisions, my actions, and my life. This game change requires that I actively make decisions that meet my wants and expectations and than follow through with these decisions via my action. 

It can be intimidating and overwhelming when we choose to embark upon a mission to change our ways. We can be filled with doubt; if we weren't able to do it before why should we think that we can change now? Anxiety can overcome us as we recognize all the different elements of our lives that we hope to alter. Feelings of shame or guilt can also often enter the picture. I think back about my behavior over the past week or so- neglecting responsibilities, missing class, going out when the right choice would be to stay in- and I feel guilty for not making better choices for myself. I remember times when I acted foolishly- drinking a bit too much, saying something stupid, behaving in a way that doesn't accurately reflect my values and personality- and I am filled with shame. But doubt, anxiety, guilt, and shame aren't going to help us as we try to move forward and regain control. In order to successfully undergo a game change we need to tap into our positive qualities and resources- organization, confidence, internal values, desires, and diligence. But, perhaps more importantly we need to build and utilize a sense of self-assurance; we need to believe that we are capable of taking steps to regain control and consciously make decisions, act, and live in accordance with our morals, values, and wants. Before I go into detail about my plan to regain control I want to introduce an affirmation about that we can focus on and contemplate in order to aid us in our quest.

I have the power to control my life and the direction in which it is going.

Let us use this affirmation to bolster both our confidence as well as our self-assurance as we work toward regaining control over our lives. So, the question is, how do I plan on bringing myself back down to earth? What do I need to do in order to commit myself to my priorities and act in a way that supports them rather than counters them? How can I be sure to follow the plans that I set out for myself, rather than succumbing to both personal pressure as well as unintended peer pressure? Well, as always, I am going to rely on a detailed and organized plan/schedule that will help me as I pursue this game change. I need to take note of what tasks I need to complete, when my classes are, and what is required of me in order to fulfill these academic obligations. I must exhibit a degree of self-control. If I say I am not going to go out because I have an early class or that I am not going to drink because I am getting over being sick than I need to stick to my word. Saying that you are committed to doing something is meaningless if you fail to follow through with it. It will be important for me to set up guidelines or rules for myself in order to feel as if I have a level of control over my life. As I formulate this plan, made up of organization, self-control, and structure, I am keeping in mind my numerous priorities and attempting to picture how I can manage to balance all of them within this program that I am creating. 

"...keeping in mind my numerous priorities..."

I suppose my top priority is my responsibility as a student. I don't want to do anything that will interfere with my ability to perform to the best of my ability or that will prevent me from fulfilling academic obligations. Another priority I am keeping in mind is the significance I ascribe to my meals, caloric intake, and body image. I am striving to find a balance so that I am able to function and be healthy while also making choices that enable me to feel comfortable. I want a put an end to intense drunk eating that forces me to restrict for days after. I become tired and miserable. I don't feel happy in my skin and everything starts to feel like it's going to shit- school, friends, appearance, life itself. I hope to figure out a way that I can balance my eating so that I am not subjected to these extreme feelings and moods. While I want to focus on my work and add structure to my eating I would also like to maintain some semblance of a social life. 

Different levels of priorities-

I want to go out, spend time with friends, drink occasionally and in appropriate amounts, and have fun. But, I need to put some limits on my fun- socializing, going out, drinking- in order to respect the other areas of my life that I find important. By giving myself a set rules or guidelines, such as not going out if I have an early class or not drinking if I have work to do the next day, I can create a life that honors my values and desires. During the week I can continue to hang out with friends but, by keeping it low key I am ensuring that I will not let myself down as a student. My plan allows me to let loose on weekend, which permits fun and socializing to remain in my life. When we realize that our behaviors are not in line with our wants and expectations for ourselves it is our duty to take it upon ourselves to makes changes.

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

Take action to make change-

- Mary Engelbreit

In my case, I have the opportunity and ability to change some of the things in my life that I am not exceptionally fond of. I am choosing to change my decisions, follow through with these choices through my actions, and subsequently change and regain control over my life. However, at the same time the latter part of this quotes applies to my situation. I have been thinking about the way I have been living over the past week or so and I am unhappy about it. While these thoughts have had a positive impact on me, provoking my game change, they have also managed to effect me negatively- evoking negative feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, shame, and guilt. I cannot change my past actions and what has already transpired; but, I can change the way that I think about them. Instead of dwelling on the past and allowing it to fill me with negative emotions I can choose to reflect upon it, embracing the experiences, and be thankful that it has inspired me to take steps to regain control. We all have times in our lives when we seem to get off track. We lose focus on what matters to us and begin to neglect our priorities and values. Instead of mentally punishing ourselves for deviating from our planned path we should congratulate ourselves for realizing that we are not moving in the direction that we had hoped. We should offer ourselves additional complements when we choose to take steps to regain control and put ourselves back in the right direction. Finally, we owe ourselves some type of reward when we are not only able to make good decisions for ourselves but we are able to honor these decisions through our actions. 

Do your actions equate to your wants?

Take a moment to think about what is important to you in your life- work, family, boyfriend, health, school- and then take a look at your life. Do your actions accurately reflect your priorities and values? Do you feel as if you have control over your behaviors and the subsequent results? Are you happy with the way you are living? Are you proud of your life? If you can answer yes to all of these question than I am giving you a virtual pat on the back. 

"Are you proud of your life?"

If, like me, you are unable to answer affirmatively to these questions then I urge you to join me in making a game change. Assess what needs to be corrected or altered in order to get back on track; determine what you need to do so that you can regain control and move forward in the direction of your dreams and aspirations. Then make a plan that you can follow in order to change the elements that you recognized as bothersome or debilitating. If we can follow our personal plans then we will soon be able to answer all of the previous questions with a resounding yes! Yes, my actions correspond with my priorities and values. Yes, I feel as if I am in control. Yes, I am proud of the way I am and I am happy with my life! All of this is within our grasp once we recognize the we have ownership over our decisions, our actions, and our lives. If we are able to follow through with the decisions that we make then we have the ability to create and live lives that meet our expectations, values, and desires.

Mix it up and make a game change,
xo

Regaining control and getting it together sometimes calls for a game change-

Sick as a Dog

Starting Second Semester

Playing Catch Up Already

Sick as a Dog

I apologize for my lack of posting recently. As I found myself starting second semester I discovered the unfortunate fact that I was sick as a dog. A trip to student health verified my suspicion that I had a double ear infection. I couldn't think of a less convenient time to be overcome by illness. It is the beginning of a new semester- new classes, new teachers, new start- and have been unable to attend a number of classes. My French course is already in full gear. There is one class I have yet to go to at all. And I am already overwhelmed and stressed because I am playing catch up so early into the new term. I am behind on readings in all my classes. I haven't completed a number of assignments already due in my French course and I have a quiz tomorrow that covers material I haven't even glanced at yet. I am frustrated and anxious. We aren't even two weeks into the semester...how is it possible that I feel so behind already? The next few days and the upcoming weekend will certainly be dedicated to catching up in all my classes. It is so important that I begin the semester strongly because it will set the tone for the remainder of the semester. Missing classes and fall behind on assignments is not ideal way to kick off second semester. I suppose I need to be fair to myself. It is not my fault that I became sick as a dog. My inability to attend classes and finish assignments is not reflective of my aptitude and dedication as a student. I know that once I am back to my regular, healthy self that I will be able to focus on my classes and my work in the manner that I have become accustomed to. But there is a great deal lying between me and my regular and healthy self. First and foremost I need to get well. Once I am feeling better I can concentrate on catching up and then move forward with the semester. I can't focus on new material being presented until I have caught up on what I have missed. 

Playing Catch Up Already

I am trying to remain calm in the midst of this catch up game that I find myself in; becoming overly stressed will on interfere with my ability to make up the work that lies in front of me. I am attempting to look forward rather than backward. I cannot help the fact that I became so sick so quickly. I can't rewind the past few days and undo the choices I have made. I decided to stay in bed and rest instead of pushing myself to go to classes. (I am conveniently forgetting the fact that I found myself unable to move let alone attend a class.) I went to bed early and slept late; consequently I did not have the time to pay attention to my workload that was quickly mounting as I lay sick in bed. However, my choices, to tend to my health needs, allowed me to get up today and make my way to my two classes. Yes, I am behind but I can't let this stop me from continuing onward. Now that I am feeling better it is up to me to concentrate on the tasks at hand, get up to speed in all my classes, and move forward. How am I going to help myself while attempting to do these three things- concentrate, catch up, and continue forward? I am going to focus on a calming affirmation that will enable me to stay relaxed as I strive to fulfill these three goals.

I am calm, relaxed, and in control.

It is key that I embody this affirmation in order to confidently move forward. Being calm and relaxed will allow me to see things clearly. The haze of stress interferes with our abilities to clearly recognize what needs to be done and prioritize tasks accordingly. 

Breathe in calm, breathe out stress-

If we can remain calm and relaxed in the midst of stressful situations then we have already one half the battle. A calm mind correlates to a clear mind; a mind that can organize unfinished tasks and complete them with focus and accuracy. Control is another crucial element when confronted with an anxiety provoking situation. When everything seems to be flying around chaotically, when life seems to be moving at an unbelievable speed, when work bombards us with unrelenting force, we need to compose ourselves and regain a degree of control. How do we obtain this control when everything seems chaotic and unmanageable? Well, honestly, it's difficult to say. The first thing to do is sit down, stop moving, and breathe. Let calmness wash over you and clear your mind. Then, with this new found clarity, look at the work and tasks that you need to complete. Once you know what you need to do then look at the amount of time you have to complete said tasks. Organize your work in conjunction with your available time. Plot out a plan or a schedule. Look at your plan and recognize that you can do this. You have the time to complete the work that needs to be done. You have control over this stressful situation; you can remedy the problem. It is easier to believe that you are in control and have the power to fix the issue (in my case catch up) when you can look at the dilemma clearly and concisely.

"[I] can remedy the problem."

As I am writing this I am breathing and letting go any stressful energy that I may have been holding onto. I am allowing myself to feel calm and relaxed. I am clearing my mind. I am preparing myself to face the mountain of work that accumulated while I was sick. I will begin to list my assignments and tasks with a calm and clear mind. I will tackle them with an air of relaxation and confidence. I will prioritize my work and schedule all assignments and tasks accordingly. As I begin to construct a plan I will feel more in control of the situation the I find myself in. I may be playing catch up already but that does not mean that I will be feeling behind and overwhelmed for the remainder of the semester. No, this has not been the best start to this semester; however, I have the ability to collect myself and move forward strongly. As I begin to make progress with my work I will be able to see that maybe I am not as far behind as I thought. I will chip away at my mountain of work; in time I will be back on course. I will move forward with the semester and in hindsight this period will appear as a blip on my radar. I need to put this situation into perspective rather than blow it out of proportion. I am only one week into a semester that spans 3 months. I guess I have to ask myself, how far behind could I actually be? The answer is obvious- probably not that much. If I approach this situation calmly and confidently then I am sure I will find that this issue is easily remedied with a few days of dedication, diligence, and focus.

Time for me to run and start catching up,

xo

All Good Things Must End

Farewell Winter Break

Back to the Same Old Grind

Farewell Winter Break

After 3 weeks of relaxation, sleeping in, and having next to no responsibilities I find myself saying farewell to Winter break and prepping myself to return back to school. Although 3 weeks have gone by I still do not feel prepared to go back to the same old grind. I am still exhausted from the stressful push that was necessary to get through the end of the Fall semester. I have yet to fully recover from holiday celebrations- my mind feels fuzzy from alcohol and hangovers; my body still feels bloated from an abundance of food indulgences. And I feel as if I was cheated out of the last week of my break. The death of my friend took a toll on me both emotionally as well as physically. I am still distraught and have yet to come to terms with the tragic event. I will be returning to school without finding the closure that I was hoping for. Plus, to top it all off, I was hit with an unrelenting sickness two days ago that prevented me from organizing my things and my mind before needing to return to school. This last week of break proved to be anything but peaceful and I am not ready to admit that all good things must end and say farewell to Winter break. 

But, whether I like it or not, classes begin again tomorrow and I am expected to be there, ready to throw myself into all that is school- class, assignments, social life, studying. I am quite concerned as to whether or not I will be able to handle all that is demanded of me during this upcoming Spring semester. I find myself longing for break to last just a bit longer. I want a little more time to get myself ready to return to the same old grind. How am I supposed to be a dedicated and competent student when my mind isn't fully healed? The emotional scars from the death of my friend are still fresh. My body image is horrendous due to all of my indulgences over break and it is resulting in a swarm of eating disordered thoughts. Not to mention that my clothes are still strewn all over my house. I haven't bought a single book for my courses yet. Nor have I organized my notebooks and folders for this semester. All in all I am completely unprepared and ill-equipped. What am I supposed to do? I want to start this semester strong because it will set the tone for the remainder of the semester. But, I don't feel that I am in a position that will allow me to do so. I can't magically extend my Winter break so I need to figure out an alternative that will allow me to feel prepared and capable as the Spring semester begins. 

As usual I am going to turn to a trusty affirmation that will potentially help me as well as you prepare ourselves for going back to the same old grind- school, work, early mornings, managing schedules, completing assignments, dealing with stress, etc.

I have the will, strength, and desire to continue working toward my goals.

I chose this affirmation for a couple reasons. First, it covers three elements that I find necessary in order to complete tasks to the best of my ability: will, strength, desire. Together these elements work together to build a steadfast determination that enables us to follow through with endeavors. Our will or resolve helps us stick to the task that needs to be done. Our strength allows us to complete it to the best of our ability no matter what obstacles may attempt to intercede. Our desire or want motivates us to continue forward. Not only do we need to fulfill this task, we want to complete it; this want drives us to keep going no matter what. It inspires us to perform at our optimum level. 

Determination: will, strength, desire-

Resolve, strength, and want create a determination that guides us toward achieving any task that is set before us; it enables us to make our dreams a reality. This dream or goal is the second reason that I chose this affirmation this afternoon. This affirmation reminds me that I am not just working toward completing this Spring semester but, I am in fact, attempting to achieve a much a larger goal- completing my undergraduate degree. This semester is just one more step in the process of fulfilling my ultimate goal. Embodying this affirmation will help me to not only be successful in beginning this semester but also guide me in the direction of my overall goal. I must tap into the three important elements- will, strength, desire- that create a foundation for an insoluble determination; a determination that will carry me through the Spring semester and beyond. Let us keep this affirmation and our larger goals in mind as we come to terms with the fact that all good things must end and return to our usual routines. Winter break and vacation are over. We have enjoyed its pleasures- Christmas, sleeping in, friends, family gatherings, relaxation. It is time for us to return to the real world- back to the same old grind.

Back to the Same Old Grind

Some of us may feel ready to say farewell winter break. Some of us may even be excited about the opportunity to return to work or school and be productive again. But some of us, like me, may feel that break is ending a tad too soon. We may be feeling unsteady and unprepared as we anticipate returning to the same old grind. This affirmation is crucial for those of us who are not ready to say farewell winter break and return to our normal routines. We can use this affirmation to tap into the powerful qualities that reside within us. We can use it to imagine the larger picture or bigger goal, realizing the importance of our determination when embarking upon smaller tasks; these smaller tasks often lead us toward our final goal. This affirmation and my ultimate goal- graduating college- will be at the forefront of my mind tomorrow when I attend my first class of the Spring semester. I have the determination to start this semester with an unrivaled fortitude because I long to graduate from the University of Pennsylvania within the next year. I must complete this semester in order to achieve my greater goal. I may feel unprepared at the moment but I am hoping that both this affirmation as well as time will work together in helping me find and utilize an unyielding determination that I know I possess. Yes, vacation is over and all good things must end, but that does not mean that what is to come does not hold great things of its own. 2013 is upon us. Spring semester is upon us (if you are a college student.) January has begun and February is knocking on our door. One good thing has ended but, who can say what good things are awaiting us in the future?

Say farewell winter break and hello to today,

xo

Goodbye to You, Michelle Branch