We All Have Our Shit
Perception is Not Reality
|Perfection is as real as unicorns-|
|Would you guess that I often feel this way?|
I am chronically ill with anorexia nervosa. My mind is overwhelmed, attempting to balance school, eating disordered thoughts, depression, and my OCD/perfectionist tendencies. Everything I do- each accomplishment, completing assignments, eating, socializing, cleaning my apartment, waking up each day- requires a painful degree of mental and physical effort. It is nearly impossible for me to be present and have fun when my mind is always preoccupied.
|Bones as cold as ice-|
"Stop trying to 'fix' yourself; you're not broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond belief."
- Steve Maraboli
I probably would have benefited from hearing Maraboli's advice back in the day. (But knowing myself I probably wouldn't have believed him or I would have adamantly refuted his statement.) Wishing that I could be these other people was a waste of time and energy for two main reasons. The first comes directly from the above quote. I did not need to 'fix' or change myself in order to create a life and persona that pleased me. It sounds very cliche but instead of wishing I should have been accepting; accepting my flaws and figuring out how to build a life for myself despite my imperfections. The second reason is knowledge that I needed to gain on my own. With time and experience I began to realize that this supposed perfection was a falsified image that I had created based on limited information. These people that I emulated were not perfect. They had shit too; I just wasn't privy to it. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that one day I would be someone who was seemingly worth emulating.
|Is this worth envying?|
|Stand up to the Pro-Ana movement|
I am concerned that I have been unintentionally sending the message that you can be anorexic and function, that anorexia can be a lifestyle choice. I feel like a fucking walking, breathing, living pro-ana campaign and it makes me sick to my stomach. The pro-ana movement counters my values, morals, and beliefs. I would never wish this disease upon anyone, so it is appauling to me that there are people out there who wish it upon themselves and/or help others attain it. How can I feel good about myself when I am unintentionally promoting and supporting a movement that defies everything I stand for? How can I be proud and satisfied with myself when I am leading people to believe that you can live a fulfilling, productive, and happy life while also holding onto your eating disorder? The truth is that you can't.
|"I would never wish this disease upon anyone..."|
"Perfect? How can you define a word without concrete meaning?"
- Ellen Hopkins
Perhaps we say that perfection does not exist because there is always room for improvement, always the possibility of doing something better. Or maybe it is nonexistent because we all have different ideas of what perfect means.
|What is perfection?|
|I always need to add a bit of humor !|
"Don't worry about getting perfect, just keep getting better."
- Frank Peretti
Yes, there is always room for improvement; but, can we do as Peretti suggests and work toward getting better without having perfection as our ultimate goal? What's the point of practicing and working if we will never achieve perfection? It comes down to realizing that there are other reasons behind wanting to improve yourself, your abilities, and your life. You may never be perfect, but you can always work toward being kinder, more committed, less argumentative, happier, etc. You might not perfect a specific task but you can continue to work toward improving your skills and abilities. I will never be perfectly fluent in French but that doesn't stop me from studying everyday and absorbing as much of the language as I possibly can.
I know my life will never be perfect or fit my version perfect. (As I said before we all ascribe different meanings to the word "perfection.") But am I supposed to give up on bettering my situation and life simply because it will never be perfect? Since I can't achieve perfection should I resign myself to live in squalor? Absolutely not. My life may not be perfect but that is no excuse to simply give up. I can put forth my best efforts to make my life as fabulous as it can possibly be. I will continue to do things that bring me comfort- cuddling with Milly, journaling, snuggling in my bed. I will always strive to succeed and commit myself to do my absolute best in everything that I do- school, job, relationships, apartment upkeep. I am going to actively engage in fun- going out with friends, baking, shopping, travelling. And, I will continue to pursue happiness with fervent effort.
|"I will continue to pursue happiness with fervent effort."|
|We All Have Our Shit|
"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."
- Theodore Rubin
When we see people from afar and do not have access to inside information regarding their lives it is easy to imagine that everything about them and their life is perfect; we fail to comprehend that perception is not reality and we dream up the fact that some lives aren't burdened by problems. In doing so we set ourselves up to be disappointed with ourselves and our own lives. As Rubin says, the trouble is that we believe that life is possible sans problems; this false notion results in us thinking that having problems is an issue. Having shit feels wrong or as if it taints us in some way and consequently we judge ourselves because we are not perfect.
|It's time to realize that perception is not reality-|
Appreciate every moment of your imperfect life,
Learn more about anorexia nervosa- symptoms, warning signs, and risks- and help me and millions of others by spreading awareness about this life threatening illness. Thank you for reading my blog. You and your responses are constant sources of support and happiness for me.
|Lets live life FUN !|