Have Time for a Quicky?

Keeping it Short...

Levity and Brevity

Before I begin I want to apologize for my extreme neglect to my blog recently. These past few weeks have just been absolutely crazy in terms of work and even now I don't have that much time to write. Composing an entry can take me up to 2-3 hours and for this reason I have decided to really try and keep it short today. I also am considering attempting to write briefer entries because of a suggestion I recently received. My mother brought to my attention that not only does it take me a long amount of time to write my entries but to read one in its entirety demands a lot of time on the part of my readers. With these thoughts in mind I am going to work toward sticking to my goal of brevity. However, brevity and time are not the only things inspiring me to write today. Recently I have had some negative encounters with others because of the level of levity I take when thinking about and discussing my eating disorder. Of course I understand that anorexia nervosa is a serious and a potentially fatal illness (I have had over a decade of experience with it so it would be nearly impossible for me to not know these facts). But, my experience has also taught me that taking it too seriously and thinking about its risks all the time will only lead me down a road of hopelessness and depression. Similarly, working hard to actively fight it everyday- challenging eating disordered thoughts, drinking supplements and eating things I don't want, and gaining weight- will only cause me to be upset and unhappy. 

My approach may be off putting for some and even challenged by many (as I have learned recently via critical correspondence with friends and acquaintances) but quite frankly, it works for me and that's all that really matters. I may not be a "healthy" weight and I definitely don't eat as much as I should, but all in all, I am relatively happy and at the end of the day happiness is all I am seeking. I don't dwell on my illness and the negative impacts it has had on my life. It has caused too much sadness and pain in my past. Why would I want to think about and relive that agony on a daily basis? Likewise, choosing to actively fight in the hopes of achieving "recovery" (whatever that means...it seems that no one can really agree on a definition) is not one of my top priorities. I'd much rather go about my life, enjoying what I have now, and having fun, than putting forth intensive effort toward something I am not sure I really want. We all have challenges, sadness, and painful situations and experiences in our lives. Some of these situations are chronic- anorexia nervosa, diabetes, death of a loved one. These things are with us all of the time and have the potential to affect us every moment of every day. They can be all consuming and prevent us from living the lives we want. My approach to dealing with my chronic illness is by making light of and adding levity to the situation, because if I didn't I would be trapped in cage of misery and helplessness. Some people may think that incorporating levity is inappropriate and I will admit that sometimes it is (such as at the funeral of a loved one who just passed away.) But in general I believe that adding some humor to otherwise depressing circumstance is often the only way to cope and continue living your life.

"Life is too important to be taken seriously!"

- Oscar Wilde

I absolutely love this quote by Oscar Wilde. (In fact it is hanging on my refrigerator in my apartment.) Life is of the utmost importance because we only get one. It is our job to make the most of it for our own sakes. Of course some things in life do need to be taken seriously- work, paying bills, school, etc. But, in truth, so many of us opt to approach things in a serious way when in reality they don't need to be taken so "seriously."

This is my opinion about my illness. Yes, I am underweight. Yes, for all intensive purposes I restrict on a daily basis. And yes, ultimately I will need to change my ways if I hope to get married, have children, and live a long and prosperous life. But for the time being I don't find a need to think about my eating disorder in a serious manner. I am not in an acute medical state. I am not unable to fulfill obligations and perform my daily tasks. And I am not distraught or bothered by the way I am living my life right now. These reasons allow me to engage in levity when thinking and talking about my eating disorder.

 But perhaps more importantly, this levity helps me to cope with the reality of it, enables me to move forward with my life, and be happy! No matter the difficult situation- illness, arguments, loss- levity can act as a fabulous tool for dealing with hardship on a daily basis. Dwelling on it and taking it so seriously often makes the difficulty harder to deal with and manage. I hope you can take my approach, and add a degree of levity to your life, especially when facing upsetting or painful circumstances. I think you'll find that once you stop looking at the issues in an intense light that you will be able to better enjoy the important thing that we call life!

Don't worry be happy,

xo

Don't Worry be Happy, Bobby McFerrin

A Kitten Left Behind

Separation Anxiety

In Desperate Need of Milly Kisses

Sometimes Milly helps me blog !

I have been on vacation with family in Florida for the last week or so. I agreed to the trip under the belief that my kitten, Milly, would be able to join us. However, as the trip drew closer I soon discovered that Milly would not be able to come. I felt extreme guilt and anger. The two of us have not been apart since the day I adopted her 3 months ago. Having never owned a pet before I didn't understand why people got so upset and anxious when they were forced to leave their pets. Now that I am a "Mommy" I completely understand.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened."

- Anatole France

I can say that France's words  apply to me. Milly has awakened a part of my heart that I didn't even know existed. I didn't know I could love with such fervor. I always knew that I had a strong protective instinct but it has grown immensely since I adopted my kitten. Milly has provoked me to put her needs above my own- refill her food bowl when all I want to do is lay in bed, play with her when I simply want to sit and think, empty her litter box when I don't feel like leaving the apartment. Milly depends on me for everything- food, water, affection. She follows me everywhere I go. After I have been out for a bit she comes running to the door as soon as she hears my voice. She rolls on her back and waits for me to rub her belly and nuzzle with her. And in return I rely on her for company, soothing, and love. She sits on my belly while I sleep. She snuggles in the crook of my arm. She displays her affection with loving licks, which I fondly refer to as kisses. 

A Kitten Left Behind

I felt awful leaving her; she couldn't understand that it would only be for a short time, that I would be coming back. And I anticipated, with certainty, that I would experience separation anxiety while we were apart. Milly has been my number one motivator over the course of the past few months. She has brought warmth and happiness into my life. I was concerned about how I would be able to find calm and feel love without her constant presence. Our first few days in Florida were ok and I didn't think too much about my kitten left behind. There was ample distraction for me as my family and I walked the streets of South Beach. The upcoming New Year provided me with an event to think about and look forward to. Milly was still in my heart but she was not constantly on my mind. However, as soon as we got to Sarasota everything changed. 

The day we arrived was the same day I found out about the death of my friend. (Discussed in yesterday's entry, Life is Precious.) I was beyond distraught, and although I was surrounded by my family, they were unable to provide me with the love and sympathy that I needed. My grief and pain were not describable and could not be mended with words of compassion. My inaudible emotions could only be healed by a love and comfort that can't be spoken. I needed my kitten and I still do. She has a way of making me feel whole. Her purring soothes me and tells me that everything will be ok somehow. I can't describe the magnificent impact that she is able to have on me. But I can sense that I am in desperate need of Milly kisses right now. Perhaps it is this unspoken and non-human love that will be able to pull me out of the depths of misery and sorrow that I am currently experiencing.

"Love cures people- both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it."

- Karl Menninger

I know Menninger's quote to be true. When I am in relationships with others- friends, family, Milly- that involve love I feel an infinite sense of peace and healing. But, right now, as I grapple with an abundance of difficult emotions, the only love I long for is that of my kitten, Milly. The sadness over the loss of my friend is being amplified by my separation anxiety. There are no words to comfort me. Most humans don't want to sit down and talk about difficult or depressing issues. I know Milly would listen to me regardless of the topic; her willingness to listen to my sadness brings me comfort even if she does not understand what I am saying. It doesn't matter that she can't comprehend my words because she can sense my emotions and she can respond accordingly. She wipes away my tears with Milly kisses. She warms my heart by protectively snuggling on my tummy while I sleep. She soothes my nerves by purring with pleasure. She exudes love, peace, and positivity; these are all elements I need at the moment. 

Love is medecine !

I need my Milly to offer the love that "cures people" because my human relationships are unable to provide me with this at the moment. We all experience separation anxiety at some point in our lives. Sometimes it is over a pet, sometimes a friend, sometimes a loved one. The nice things about separation anxiety is that it is usually easily cured; it will dissipate once you are reunited with the person or animal who you have been apart from. But sometimes separation anxiety is permanent. 
There are those occasions when you will never be reunited with the one you are yearning for. This permanency can be for a number of reasons- death, moving, a relationship deteriorating- and in these cases we need to figure out how to cope. Maybe it involves becoming more active and trying to distract yourself. Perhaps you need to reach out in order to build new relationships; they will never replace the old ones but they can help to fill the void. And you can always do what I did- adopt a pet. You will be doing an invaluable service to both you as well as the animal that you save. Thankfully the separation anxiety I am feeling regarding Milly is not permanent. We will be reunited tomorrow and I will be able to snuggle with her for hours on end. She will purr and love me and hopefully provide me with the comfort that I need in order to get through this rough time. Sometimes human contact isn't able to provide us with the compassion required to overcome hardships and cope with grief. Sometimes the simple love of an animal is the perfect antidote for pain.

"Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet."

- Colette

Wishing you a calm and happy day,
xo

"[Milly] rolls on her back and waits for me to rub her belly..."

I promised Milly I'd be back; the separation anxiety will cease-

A Brief Reprieve

Escaping the Tense Penn Bubble

Some Time to Relax, Rest, and Recuperate

The Penn Bubble is ready to burst !

After weeks spent on campus, which is currently a tense bubble that seems ready to pop, I decided to take a brief reprieve. Milly and I packed up and escaped yesterday, retreating to the safety of my home. I was able to spend the evening at my Aunt and Uncle's house and enjoyed some much need relaxation. We talked about things that had nothing to do with school or finals- Christmas decorations, upcoming vacation plans, my kitten, holiday festivities- and I was happy to be in the warmth and comfort of their home, surrounded by people who love me. After dinner I retreated to my own home, curled up in my parents massive bed (because they are away at the moment), and indulged in a long and peaceful sleep. Escaping the tense Penn bubble was exactly what I needed. The stress, anxiety, and exhaustion of everyone around me was too much to bear. It was starting to rub off on me and I need a brief reprieve in order to relax, rest, and recuperate. I awoke this morning feeling refreshed and ready to buckle down and finish this last assignment. It's nice to know that the safety and comfort of my own home is not far from me and always available when I need to make a quick escape. It is so peaceful in comparison to school and I am tempted to stay just one more night. Why not? I have some  time before I need to really focus on my final task and the extra relaxation will definitely serve me in the upcoming days. 

Enjoying my brief reprieve in the comforts of my home-

"Ah! There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort."

- Jane Austen

We all need a little escape from reality every once in a while. If you can afford to do it, give yourself a little break; you deserve it! Set aside the long list of holiday errands you need to run. Put home improvement needs and chores on the back burner. Stop thinking about all the work you need to complete. Just take a step away from your life- obligations, stressors, fears, burdens- and allow yourself some time do nothing at all. Or if you can't convince yourself to do nothing at least do something that brings you comfort and a sense of calm. I like to watch TV, take a warm bath, write my blog, journal, search for interesting or new quotes, but, of course you can choose to do anything!

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

- A.A. Milne, Pooh's Little Instruction Book

Winnie-the-Pooh frequently offers me the best advice. In our society "Doing Nothing" is considered unproductive, even lazy. We fail to see that simply doing nothing at all can be one of the most productive and helpful things we can do. It allows us to take a breather from our busy and chaotic lives. Just sitting and giving ourselves time to unwind will enable us to be happier and healthier people. You may also find that after a bit of time dedicated to nothingness you return to your work with greater passion, dedication, and concentration. Escaping and taking some time to rest, relax, and recuperate is necessary in order to stay sane. We can't live our lives at a high intensity all the time. Doing so will most definitely result in burn out. Giving yourself a break now can help prevent an ultimate shut down. You may say that you don't have the luxury of taking a break right now. But where will you be when your body decides to get sick or go into panic mode because you denied it the rest it needed? Not to mention that when you return your work feeling refreshed you will be able to produce a better result. I am confident that when I return to the tense bubble, in order to continue working, I will be stronger. The stress of others won't be able to permeate my sense of calm. And I will be better equipped, mentally, emotionally, and physically, to write my final paper. 

"Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for respond to conflict."

- Dorothy Thompson

The conflict that is currently plaguing my life is finals period and the stress and anxiety that comes along with it. I needed to find a means of creating peace during this tumultuous time. My usual methods were not working. They were not strong enough to fight the high pressure of finals. So, I came up with a new alternative. I escaped the Penn bubble, removing myself from the conflict and/or situation, and found peace by retreating to the safety and comfort of my own home. I am pleased to have discovered that this brief reprieve was exactly what I needed in order to find a sense of peace. Now that I am off campus I can finally relax, recuperate, and get some much needed rest. The intense and stressful energy on campus was preventing me from getting a full night of peaceful sleep. I would shut my eyes thinking about work- potential thesis, reading to be completed, French verb conjugations- and woke up at ungodly hours with the same thoughts ruminating in my mind. It was time to get off of campus and enter a world filled with Christmas carols, candy canes, holiday lights, and cheer! 

"A world filed with candy canes..."

Whatever your current conflict is- finals, stress at work, holiday shopping, a fight with a friend- find an alternative that will allow you to create a sense of peace and calm in your life. There will always be something in your life that is unsettling. As I have said before life is filled with bad; but, at the same time is rich with goodness and blessings. Take advantage of life's goodness but engaging in an activity that enriches your soul and lets calmness wash over you. Read a book, call a friend, play with your pet, watch TV, do nothing at all. I hope that your break provides with you the same rest, relaxation, and recuperation that I have been able to find during my brief reprieve. When life hits you with an overwhelming amount of stressors it is your job to create your own peace. Take some time away from your hectic and anxiety provoking life. It will still be there when you're done with your break and you will find that you are better able to handle it. Don't think of your reprieve as useless; think of it as a requirement that will benefit your well-being, work, mental health, and happiness of course!

Go get busy doing nothing,
xo

13 Days Til Christmas, 5th Night of Hannukah

(There's No Place Like) Home for the Holidays- The Carpenters

Don't Forget to Smile

Happiness is Always Important

Remembering All of Your Priorities

As you can tell from all of my recent posts I have been completely bogged down by the stress and intensity of finals. When I walk around campus everyone appears miserable and I realized that I too have been forgetting to smile. While focusing on my workload and experiencing the associated pressure I neglected one of my highest priorities: Happiness. I feel ashamed that I failed to remember that happiness is always important. And I feel as if I let you, my readers, down by allowing finals period to take over my life. As I handed my second to last assignment today I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I had a revelation; there is always something to be happy about and a reason to smile if I just permit myself to see it. Finals gave me tunnel vision. All I saw was my work, approaching due dates, and grades. Looking at the world in this way exhausted me and brought me so much misery. I am thankful that I have finally escaped from that zone and am able to see everything else that exists in the world around me. Yes, school and finals and grades are important. But nothing is more important than your own happiness. Stress and obligations are not excuses to ignore this priority or forget to smile. I'd like to entertain two affirmations today-

I choose to be cheerful regardless of any other circumstances that arise.

Cute kittens make me smile !

Sometimes remembering that happiness is always important and actually being cheerful or happy takes conscious effort. It is not always our default emotion. Others feelings tend to override our ability to be happy when we are in stressful, frustrating, or overwhelming situations. I know that this has been true for me over the last week or so. But today, right now in fact, I am putting my foot down (metaphorically of course.) I will not allow stress and tension to rule my life any longer. Am I going to finish this finals period with happiness in the forefront of my mind. I refuse to walk around campus like all the other students I see- stressed, unhappy, and tired. I am going to put a smile on every day and enjoy the wonderful gifts that this season brings. It is, as I have said a number of time before, my favorite time of year and finals will not ruin it for me. I can be a dedicated student, make progress on my work, and finish the semester strong while also remember my other priority: happiness! If I can maintain my own sense of happiness and not forget to smile than perhaps I have the ability to inspire others to do the same.

Spread happiness to everyone you meet-

I am spreading happiness everywhere I go.

Hopefully, as I walk around campus with my smile and cheerful glow, others will realise that they too can be happy, despite the stress that finals period brings. I am going to make it my goal over the course of the next week to only be happy but also pass it along as I go about my day. Life is filled with difficult times and situations. As a student finals period proves to be an overwhelming and stressful period that can create misery. But we all face hardships in other areas of our lives that make it easy to forget that happiness is always important and even more difficult to find happiness. Life seems to have an endless supply of challenges and stressors- we become seriously ill, we get fired from a job, we take a pay cut, a loved one dies, our boss hates us- and we neglect the fact that life also has an abundance of joyous moments. Life offers so many gifts- the birth of a child, falling in love, fulfilling our dreams, achieving a goal, discovering our natural talents, friendship- and if we can remember this during the hard times than we will always be able to find a reason to smile. 

Happy mind and/or brain-

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

- Abraham Lincoln

It's time that we all metaphorically put our feet down and make up our minds. Even if it takes a little extra lets choose to find happiness every single day. Don't let anything get in your way. If happiness is truly one of our priorities than we owe it the same amount of attention that we give to our other priorities. Finishing the semester is one of my other main priorities at the moment. I have spent so much energy and dedicated a great deal of time to this priority. I have not forgotten it. So, why was it ok for me to forget that happiness is always important? It wasn't. If I am going to claim that finding happiness is my main goal in life, if I am going to dedicate an entire blog to it, if I expect to ultimately be truly happy, than I can't afford to forget it. No matter what is going on in my life- finals, personal loss, familial tension- I must remember all of my priorities, happiness included. 

Remember All of Your Priorities-

Take a step back from any anxiety provoking situations in your life. Give yourself some time, even just a brief moment, to look around or peer into the depths of your mind and find something that brings a smile to your face. Life is short, it is filled with sadness and pressure, it is filled with joy and blessings, and it is filled with many moments. How are you going to choose to experience these moments that make up your life? I am making the conscious decision to be happy no matter what attempts to block my way and I encourage you to do the same!

Don't forget to smile; you'll discover they're contagious,

xo

Fun with friends makes me smile !

14 Days Til Christmas, 4th Night of Hannukah

And of course we already know that Christmas makes me happiest of all! I am ready to start truly enjoying this holiday season!

Holly Jolly Christmas, Burl Ives

Today's Forecast: Bright and Sunny

Creating Warmth on Bitter Days

Make Your Own Mood Forecast

Today's Forecast: Bright and Sunny

I got a late start this morning and I missed the bit of snow that graced the Philadelphia area this morning. I am not a big fan of snow but it is better than the dreary rain that greeted me as I walked out my front door this morning. Although the weather forecast is calling for 30 degree temperatures and 90% chances of precipitation I am refusing to let it get me down or negatively impact my mood. Today I am making my own mood forecast and it's calling for a bright and sunny demeanor. Today's icy and gloomy weather is just the beginning of the cold days that await us this Winter. In light of this fact we need to figure out how to create warmth on bitter days. I am not talking about methods of staying physically warm- puffy coats, gloves, hats, heaters, hot tea- I am referring to an internal warmth that allows us to shine and feel good even when the weather is less than ideal. We can turn on the news and listen to the weather forecast so we can prepare ourselves and dress properly for the day. But after we turn off the news lets make our own mood forecast. For me today's forecast is bright and sunny. My mood is gradually improving, I feel better today than I did yesterday or the day before, and I anticipate that my bright and sunny mood is only going to escalate over the course of the next few days. I'd like to show you how these mood forecasts can be easily transformed into affirmations.

It may be snowing but I'm full of sunshine !

Today's Forecast: Bright and Sunny-

I will bring brightness and sunshine to everyone that I see today.

Today's Forecast: Warm and Calm

I carry an internal warmth and sense of calm with me as I go about my day.

These forecasts are just a creative way of using the traditional affirmations that we have grown accustomed to. Try it out! If you don't like it or it doesn't work for you go back to using the typical affirmation format. 
As I said before we have a lot of bitter days ahead of us considering it is not even December yet. I can honestly say that I hate the winter. I believe that it's only redeeming quality is the fact that Christmas happens to fall during this season. Christmas is the only day when I welcome and actually enjoy snowfall.

"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water."

Winter 2011, Washington D.C.

- Carl Reiner

If it were up to me the weather forecast would always read 75 degrees and sunny but of course this is not how mother nature works. We must accept the unfavorable weather and keep in mind that sunny, warm days will come again. 

"Dear beautiful Spring weather, I miss you. Was it something I said?"

- Kim Corbin

I like this amusing quote because Corbin clearly feels the same way as I do. But we all know it's nothing we have said or done that made Spring go away. Winter is here simply because that is the normal course of nature. We can't sit around wondering we did something to push Spring and Summer time away- we know this is not the case. But we also can't hide out in our rooms feeling depressed or miserable until Spring makes its appearance again. We need to figure out how to carry warmth within us on these bitter days so that we are able to go out and greet the world with a smile! External factors, like the weather, only have the ability to permeate our minds and alter our moods if we allow them to. We need to build up a resistance by creating a strong sense of warmth, brightness, and sunshine that exists within our minds and hearts.

"Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine."

- Anthony J. D'Angelo

Angelo's quote speaks exactly to what I am suggesting. We can prepare ourselves for any natural elements but always being equipped with our own sunshine. We can create and carry this sunshine by making our own mood forecasts or by using positive affirmations on a daily basis. As Winter begins to settle in lets try to make it a point to begin each day with an affirmation that will fill us with warmth no matter how cold or disgusting the weather may be. We can't prevent Winter from coming but we can decide how we are going to respond to it. If we stop living and wait out for Spring we are going to miss a whole bunch of wonderful things- family gatherings, dinner with friends, warm fires, hot chocolate, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day! Create warmth each and every day this winter and continue living. It may be cold and dreary but it's not worth missing out on all that life still has to offer!

Stay warm today- inside and out!

xo

"Build up resistance by creating a strong sense of warmth!"

28 Days Til Christmas Eve, 29 Days Til Christmas

A Family Tradition- Baking holiday sugar cookies with my Aunt !

White Christmas, Bing Crosby

You Are Fabulous!

You Are Enough

Acknowledging Positive Attributes and Feeling Good About Ourselves

After over indulging during the long Thanksgiving weekend I am feeling not so fabulous about myself and my body. The Thanksgiving meal- stuffing, wine, pie, potatoes- and days of eating leftovers has really messed with my mind and sense of self. My bad body image thoughts are completely out of control. My rational mind keeps trying to interject telling me that "It is not possible for you to have gained any significant amount of real weight over the course of three days." And it tries to calm me down by offering advice such as, "Now that you're back on campus you'll return to your normal eating and walking routine. Even if you did gain weight it will come off naturally." Although these thoughts are present my eating disordered thoughts are strong and over rule my rational voice the maturity of the time. I am feeling fat, afraid, and out of control. I am wearing baggy clothes because I am nervous that if I put on jeans they will fit more snugly than they did previously. I am afraid that I won't be able to stop over indulging now that I have started and that my weight will just continue to sky rocket to a number that I am uncomfortable with. And I am feeling out of control because I have not been able to follow the rules and strictures that I usually set for myself regarding food. What if I can never follow them again? What if I just continue to overeat? 

My eating disordered voice is screaming, "You must start restricting now! You need to make up for the past few days! You are fat and disgusting! You are out of control and gluttonous just like everyone else! You have to lose this weight immediately!" The exclamations haunt me every moment of the day and force me to feel uncomfortable with what I have consumed. They evoke a level of fear in me that I can't even begin to describe. The provoke me to feel miserable mentally and disgusting in my own body. They inspire me to want to restrict to extreme measures so that I can take off any weight I may have gained and then some just as a precaution. My eating disorder makes me believe that I am not enough unless I am visibly underweight. It blinds me from seeing any positive attributes that I possess and subsequently prevents me from feeling good about myself. We all feel some remorse or regret after splurging over the holiday. Many of us plan to alter our eating habits for the days following in order to regain a sense of balance. But my thoughts and plans are extreme and that in itself scares me. If I listen to the advice of my eating disorder will I actually feel better? Or, will I begin to spiral down and lose control of the restricting and weight loss? Is listening to my eating disorder worth becoming sick again and potentially missing Christmas for the second year in a row? My rational mind answers with a resounding NO! 

So the question is how I am supposed to believe that I am fabulous no matter what I have eating and regardless of what I weigh? How can we look at ourselves and honestly say that we are enough? I am going to start of with a few affirmations to help us on journey to feeling fabulous-

I give myself all the compassion I deserve and need.

The more I acknowledge my positive qualities, the stronger they become.

I am worthwhile- imperfections and all.

I know it can be difficult to focus on three separate affirmations at once but I felt I needed to include all of them because collectively they cover three important elements that we need on our path to feeling  good about ourselves and believing that we are fabulous! The first element is compassion or self-love. We are so much harder on ourselves than we are on other people. We look in the mirror and pin point faults that others do not see or simply don't exist. We condemn ourselves for our mistakes, yell at ourselves for making stupid comments, and blame ourselves for situations that are out of our control. It is time that we show ourselves the same compassion that we show to others because we need and deserve it just as much as anyone else.

"If you had a person in your life treating you the way you treat yourself, you would have gotten rid of them a long time ago..."

- Cheri Huber

The second element is acknowledging positive qualities. Like I said previously if we can learn to recognize and acknowledge positive attributes that we possess than our supposed faults will begin to fade and seem less important. Acknowledging positive attributes also offers two more significant benefits. It forces us to look past the exterior and think about qualities that truly matter- kindness, intelligence, faithfulness, graciousness. We are more than our weight or shape and acknowledging positive attributes about ourselves that are not based on appearance enables us to see that there is more to us than what we look like. Acknowledging positives also commands us to realize and admit that there is good within us. There are things about us that are exceptional if we take the time to look at our own reflection- internal and external. Seeing these positive elements can help us to feel good about who we are and allow us to believe that we are fabulous! And finally the third element is feeling that you are worth it no matter what you have done, despite the faults you believe you have, and regardless of any mistakes you have made. Just being who you are is enough and is worth friendship, respect, and love. Because I included multiple affirmations and expanded upon all of them I am going to break it down into the three main themes in the hopes of preventing confusion. In order to believe that we are fabulous lets concentrate on these three elements or themes: compassion, acknowledging positives, and feeling worth it.

Because I am struggling so greatly with bad body image and eating disordered thoughts and urges at the moment I want to include a couple affirmations that speak specifically to these feelings and are directed to the eating disorder community. If this portion does not apply to you skip over it and continue reading. Even if you do not have an eating disorder you may find some use for the following affirmations but if you are already overwhelmed with the three affirmations that preceded this section than I encourage you to ignore it and focus on the affirmations the best apply to you and suit your personal needs. The holiday season can be exceptionally difficult for individuals who suffer from eating disorders. But the aftermath of the holidays can prove to be even harder and more draining. During my Thanksgiving meal and the days that followed my eating disorder voice was a whisper suggesting that I not eat the food but not preventing me from doing so. Now that the holiday is over and the deed is done my eating disorder is raging, making me miserable, and driving me to my breaking point. I know that I am not the only person who is feeling this way at the moment.

You are enough-

There are millions of us out there who suffer from eating disorders and need some extra help and encouragement during this time of year. I am going to offer a few affirmations that relate to eating disordered thoughts in the hopes that we can attempt to believe them and continue to move forward with our lives-

Neither the number on the scale nor the size of my jeans dictate my worth.

I can be happy even when I'm not comfortable in my body.

I have more important things to do than fight with my body and my mind.

I chose these three affirmations because they touch upon three themes that I believe are crucial in order to feel good about ourselves: a number is not a reflection of worth, happiness, and purpose. The first affirmation is a very typical one, used frequently in the eating disorder world, so I am not going to take the time to discuss it. However I would like to pay special attention to the last two affirmations which concentrate on happiness and purpose. Lets first look at happiness. 

Bad body image day-

Today I feel fat and miserable in my body. But, why should I allow that to ruin my day? Are there not other things in my life that can bring me happiness despite my discomfort? Just because we are having a bad body image day does not mean that we have to dwell on it and sulk. Instead we can distract ourselves by doing things that bring us joy- go to a movie, get a manicure, hang out with friends- and not let our physical insecurities debilitate us. Bad body image may be unavoidable at the moment but it does not have to dictate our mood or the way we conduct ourselves today. Just because we don't feel completely comfortable does not mean that we have to be miserable. Don't give yourself a moment to sulk! Suck it up, distract yourself, and do your best to enjoy the day. Your body image will most likely improve if you are active and involved in the world. Now lets think about the third affirmation about purpose. Today my eating disordered thoughts are loud and out of control. They are interjecting when they are not wanted and preventing me from doing the things that I want and need to be doing. I have class to go to, assignments to complete, and a personal project that I would like to work on. 

I don't have time for these thoughts !

But I am so in my head that I cannot focus on any of these tasks. I am physically present but mentally absent. I don't have time for this bull shit. I don't have energy to waste fighting with my body and arguing against the thoughts in my mind. I have a large purpose, more important things to do, and I cannot waste valuable time toying with my eating disordered thoughts and playing the anorexia game. I have bigger and better things to do in my life, productive things that will add to my happiness and well-being, significant tasks that help move me forward and bring me closer to my goals. I know how difficult it can be to believe that the number on the scale does not matter. Honestly, I don't believe it myself. To me every pound still matters and every calorie counts. Holidays are not an excuse to over indulge and whoever said "It's on the inside that counts" is full of crap. But if I can focus on my want for happiness and my purpose than maybe I can quiet the eating disordered thoughts and escape the torment that currently exists within my head. Whether you have an eating disorder or not we all have insecurities and they don't necessarily have to relate to physical appearance. Yes, everyone, especially women, is slightly vain and has negative thoughts about our bodies. We say things like, "Our feet are too big," "I hate my thighs," "My stomach is flabby." 

As always I need to add some humor-

But we also feel inferior in other areas of our life as well. We won't ask a question in class because we are concerned we will look dumb. We refuse to hold hands with people because we're self-conscious that our hands are clammy. We refuse to speak out because we dislike our voice or accent or believe that we don't speak as eloquently as others. We won't contribute to conversations because we think we are boring, don't have anything interesting to add, or that people won't listen to us. All of these insecurities have the ability to interfere with our every day lives. How can we buy shoes if we don't want anyone to see our big feet? How are we supposed to learn anything or we refuse to ask questions?  How can we order coffee if won't let anyone here our voice? How can we make friends if we are too afraid to get involved in conversations? Insecurities can be exceptionally debilitating but only if we allow them too. If we can counter our insecurities, give our shortcomings less significance, and truly believe that we are fabulous than our negative thoughts will not be able to prevent us from living our lives, feeling good about ourselves, and trusting that we are enough just as we are.

This kitty does "not give a shit !"

"One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit."

- J.A. Konrath

Konrath suggests that by overcoming our insecurities we will learn to not care what other people think about us and perhaps this is true. But do all of our insecurities stem from fear of what others may think or how they will respond? I know some of my insecurities are related to the opinions of others but a great deal of my insecurities come from within. I don't think anyone else would consider me fat, yet, I am still insecure about my body. I am insecure because it doesn't look exactly how I want it to look, how I think it should look, and what I think my appearance says about me as a person. Although others would not condemn me for over indulging during the breaking and perhaps gaining a pound or two I am still insecure about it. The insecurity stems from a hatred for myself not from a fear involving what others may think. I believe that a great deal of our insecurities have nothing to do with other people and have more to do with ourselves and our own opinions. Not "giv[ing] a shit" does not mean we are insecurity free. I can honestly say that after all I have experienced in my life there are very few people and opinions that I truly "give a shit" about. My sense of self-worth comes from my own opinions, my personal ideas, and my own view of myself. So the question is: How do we challenge these insecurities that are not based in the opinions of others but instead rooted in the way we give value to ourselves? I don't possess the words to answer this question so as usual I am going to rely on two quotes to help us attempt to figure it out-

"Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks."

- Goethe

"There are two kinds of perfect: The one you can never achieve, and the other, by just being yourself."

- Lauren King

I want to briefly look at these quotes in connection with each other. Both quotes focus on the need to accept all aspects of who we are in order to be ideal versions of our true selves. Goethe talks about the necessity of flaws in order to be complete. We love our friends and they love us in return despite faults. None of us would be the same people if we didn't possess these "quirks," odd attributes, or shortcomings. We all have qualities that we dislike but without them we would no longer be the selves- friends, daughters, mothers, siblings- that people in our life have grown accustomed to and love. King brings up a final point about perfection that I found interesting. We are constantly being told that "no one is perfect" but maybe this is an inaccurate statement to make. Perhaps King is right in say that there are two kinds of perfect. We can achieve perfection by remaining true to ourselves, accepting our faults,  acting in accordance with our beliefs, and making use of our positive attributes. By believing that we are enough we have found perfection! I am not sure if these quotes adequately answered my question but they have definitely helped me in getting on the right path to figuring it out. No matter what makes you insecure and regardless of why try to remember that not only are you enough but you are fabulous just as you are.

Continue to focus on the positive and remember to treat yourself well,
xo

I know, I am absolutely fabulous!

Beautiful, Christina Aguilera

29 Days Til Christmas Eve, 30 Days Til Christmas

Believe, Josh Groban