Do Not Disturb

It's Time for Bed

A Soothing Evening Affirmation

I have not posted an evening affirmation for quite a while. However, after a few tumultuous days, I am finding the need for a soothing affirmation in order to prepare myself for bed this evening. Today started off pretty well, I made it to my class and was able to complete a decent amount of work, but I soon found myself overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings and dark thoughts. The darkness of the night sky is seeming to only serve as a means of intensifying the gloom that overtook me earlier in the day. I am longing for something to alleviate these mental and emotional disturbances. I wish that telling my mind that it's time for bed was as simple as placing a do not disturb sign on the door knob of a hotel room; unfortunately, this is not the case. We need to work a little harder in order to notify our minds and bodies that it's time for bed.

I am hoping that the following soothing evening affirmation will serve the same purpose as the handy do not disturb signs that are provided to guests at hotels.

I soothe my nerves, welcoming peace into my being, by releasing all mental tensions.

"...welcoming peace into my being..."

This evening affirmation is the perfect fit for me this evening as my mind continues to twist and turn. If I am successful in embodying this affirmation than I have the ability to find peace and quiet by releasing the disturbing and painful thoughts and emotions that have been haunting me recently. I pray for the strength to let go of any tension that may disturb my ability to find peace, soothe myself, and prepare for bed. 

We all experience thoughts, situations, and feelings that can interfere with our ability to release mental tension. These things do not obey a do not disturb sign that we may hang on our hotel door. It is up to us to create a message to our mind that tells it that it's time for bed and that it is no longer permitted to disturb us with painful memories, upsetting thoughts, or negative emotions. Let us use this soothing affirmation in order to give notice to our minds and bodies that it's time for bed and we no longer entertain thoughts and emotions that prevent us from achieving a sense of peace. 

Let us repeat this affirmation like a mantra until we can fully absorb it. As I say these words aloud I envision my nerves slowly releasing any tension that has built up over the course of the day. I watch disturbing mental images and thoughts float away into the infinite beyond. 

"I look at peace, imaging it taking shape in the form of a white tulip..."

I look at peace, imagining it taking shape in the form of a white tulip, and it sits by my side, watching over me as I slowly enter the blissful dream land that sleep affords us. The white, purity of peace enters my mind and soul, and I manage to put aside the anger, frustration, and tension that has grown within me over the course of the last few days. I will continue to repeat this affirmation until I feel the full effects of its soothing powers. I encourage you to do the same. If we manage to absorb these words, and alert our minds that they are not to disturb us as we strive to achieve a peaceful sleep, than we will be able to awake tomorrow feeling truly rested and refreshed. 

It's time for bed, so goodnight friends, sleep well-

xo

In Good Company

The Gift of a Strong Connection

Relationships: Build, Maintain, Appreciate

Three's Company, (1976-1984)

Over the past week or so I have become acutely aware of the different relationships in my life. We all have numerous people- friends, acquaintances, teachers, doctors, family members, co-workers- who we connect with on a daily basis. However we often neglect to notice these relationships, the effort it takes to sustain them, and their significance. Relationships require work in order to build and maintain them. Too often we forget to acknowledge the amount of effort that we have put in in order to form a connection with someone. Likewise we frequently neglect to take the time to sit back and appreciate the relationships that we have been able to create. It is time that we recognize that a strong connection is truly a gift and should not be taken for granted. I have been attempting to increase my consciousness regarding the variety of relationships that I have. 

"[My Mom and I] have a special relationship."

Last week I enjoyed a calm and delicious dinner at my apartment with my Mom. I sat back and savored the time that we were able to spend together. We have a special relationship; I am completely honest with her and can talk to her about nearly anything- my eating disorder, sex, trouble with friends, my fears. I know that our connection is strong and unique; not all daughters are able to confide in their mothers to the degree that I can. 

Yesterday I ran into a professor who's class I was in last fall. Over the course of the semester I worked diligently, participated in class discussions, regularly attended office hours, and earned high marks. I was able to build a connection with this professor because of my work ethic and level of dedication. This connection served me well later on in the semester when I needed to take a medical leave of absence. My professor was sympathetic, gave me a hug (although it was against University policy), and expressed both care and concern for me and my well-being. I was thankful for the relationship that I had been able to build with her because she provided me with exactly what I needed- kindness, comfort, and support- during a time of weakness and pain. 

"Yesterday I ran into a professor..."

Over the past year I have not done a great job at maintaining the relationship that we had. But, when I saw her yesterday, we interacted as if no time had passed. She expressed the same interest, concern, and care for me that she had displayed over a year ago. We both asserted that we will be sure to be in contact in the near future in order to catch up and I am certain that I will stay true to my word in order to maintain our strong connection. I had already appreciated the way she helped me when I was struggling and needed to leave school; but, after our run-in yesterday I gained an even greater appreciation for our relationship. It is rewarding for me to know that my professor genuinely respects and cares about me because of the way I presented myself as a student in her classroom. 

Building relationships and connections-

Today I had the pleasure of engaging with a potential new friend. A girl in one of my classes recognized me from other classes that we have had together. We began talking after class and it seemed as if we had an instant connection. The conversation flowed effortlessly and before we separated we exchanged numbers. Right now we are merely acquaintances but I can foresee that we could easily become friends if I work toward building a relationship with her. So why is it that I am providing you with a series of accounts regarding my personal interactions? Well, I guess I am trying to show you that relationships and strong connections can come in a variety of forms. We can't rule someone out because they don't appear to be the type of person we usually relate to. (One of my best friends is nearly 40 years old and is a college professor with her doctorates. Another of my best friends is only 17 years old and lives in Canada.) If we are open to the possibility of forming a relationship than our opportunities to do so are endless. 

"We all have numerous people who we connect with on a daily basis."

"Man is a knot into which relationships are tied."

- Antoine de Saint

I chose this quote because it expresses how fundamental relationships are to our essence, our well-being, and our lives. We cannot exist alone, isolated from the world. We learn about ourselves by interacting with other people. We are able to recognize our likes and dislikes. Relations introduce new things- foods, books, ideas- to us. And these people can remind us of things about ourselves that we may have forgotten.

Recently I have been spending a huge amount of time with a new friend. We both instantaneously felt a strong connection and I view her presence in my life as a gift and I strongly believe that this feeling is mutual. In our case building the friendship was quick work and maintaining it has been just as easy. Now we have reached the glorious period in relationships when you are able to relax and appreciate. I am so thankful to have her as a friend because when I am with her I always feel that I am in good company. 

Our Pinot of choice-

We can talk for hours about all topics- school, eating disorder shit, boys, family, worries, future plans. We both share a strong liking for Pinot Grigio and Parliament Light cigarettes (the 100s). And our connection is strong because we can relate on so many different levels. We trust each other and are able to have serious and honest conversations when we need to. We can go out together drinking, partying, and causing a ruckus. But we are also able to enjoy low key nights, sitting in my apartment, sharing a bottle of wine, chain smoking cigarettes, and talking for hours on end. 

"...chain smoking cigarettes..."

I think about the time that we have spent together so far and I am so appreciative of every single moment- each laughing fit, every conversation, each secret divulged, and every commonality discovered. She has been staying with me quite often recently and it is nice to have some company after living alone for the past few months. It is a comfort to know that I have someone to debrief with at the end of the day; but, more importantly, it is a blessing to be certain that I will be going to sleep happy and smiling every night.

"Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings."

- Miles Franklin

Whether we want to admit it or not, we all need people, connections, relationships. I suppose we could exist without them but it seems to me that doing so would result in a very miserable and depressing life. Don't get me wrong, I love my alone time, but there comes a point in all of our lives when we need and/or want someone who we can talk to, share experiences with, care about, and love. Sometimes thinking about relationships can be exhausting. Whether it's a friendship, a familial relationship, or an intimate relationship there is no doubt that all relationships take a degree of effort. First, you need to find a person that you relate to on some basic level. Once you have determined that you are interested in forming a relationship with this person you need to put in the work in order to build the foundation and structure of it. And even after a solid bond has been formed you must continue to work in order to maintain the relationship. But once all the dirty work is done, and you've created a strong connection, you are able to discover that your efforts were not futile or exerted for naught. Honestly, nothing can compare to a true friend, a close relationship, or a strong connection; they are gifts that should be treasure and appreciated. Relationships are dynamic, miraculous entities that can supply us with an infinite number of gifts- self-worth, sense of calm, fun, self-acceptance, sense of safety, knowledge, feelings of belonging and/or acceptance, happiness. It can be difficult at first when attempting to create new relationships; but when you are sitting among friends, in good company, you come to realize that it is well worth the effort. 

"Most of us don't need a psychiatric therapist as much a friend to be silly with."

- Robert Brault

Relationships are gifts from G-d that sustain, fulfill, and enrich us and our lives. No matter the type of relationship- friendship, spouse, sibling- take the time and effort to build, maintain, and appreciate it because nothing is more valuable than a person who you can share your life with.

Take a moment and reach out in order to connect,

xo

"But when you are sitting among friends...you come to realize that is was well worth the effort."

You've Got a Friend in Me, Randy Newman in Disney's animated film, Toy Story (1995)

  

Clear Your Mind

Thoughts for this Evening

An Affirmation for Inner-Peace

Time for these thoughts to evaporate-

My mind has been full of painful memories and upsetting thoughts the last few nights. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to get these negative ideas and experiences out of the forefront of my mind. All I want is to clear my mind and find a sense of inner-peace so that I am able to relax and get a goodnight rest this evening. I don't want my dreams to be haunted by the pain and sadness that I am currently experiencing. I don't know why I am feeling this way or why my mind is suddenly filled with memories and notions that I'd rather not be thinking about. However every so often I begin to feel this way with out explanation or warning. Tonight I am asking G-d and hoping that I am able to find peace within myself, rid my mind of the bad emotions and thoughts, and enjoy a calm and uninterrupted sleep. In order to help me in my goal I am going to reflect upon the following affirmation that highlights peace and comfort-

I am filled with a peaceful spirit that welcomes a sleep that is filled with pleasant and comforting dreams.

This evening I am hoping that the negative and painful thoughts will evaporate from my mind. Instead a sense of peace will grant me a relaxing sleep. My sleep will bring positive dreams that will replace the negative thoughts I am currently dealing with. I shut my eyes as I rock back and forth in my family's rocking chair. I shut my eyes and do my best to clear my mind. I see nothing, I hear nothing but the sound of my own soothing breaths, and let a sense of peace wash over me. I am willing to let go of my current thoughts that bring me pain. I am choosing to embrace feelings of joy, prosperity, and relaxation. These feelings help me to recognize the positive aspects of my life. I can choose to concentrate on these good thoughts rather than focus on any memories or ideas that bring me discomfort and pain. Tonight I can breathe, I can relax, I can feel good, and I can enjoy a sense of inner-peace. Discovering this peace will allow us to enjoy a comforting, refreshing, and pleasant sleep. Peace exists all around us and it is in our power to allow this peaceful spirit to enter and fill us. As we find peace our minds are able to clear any negative thoughts and we can shut our eyes with the knowledge that G-d will grant us a beautiful sleep and protect us while we rest.

I pray that we all find peace this evening and are able to enjoy the blessing that is sleep,

xo

Let There Be Peace On Earth, Vince Gill

Hello Again Friends!

Thoughts For This Evening

A Positive Affirmation

So I got a little negative feedback due to my disappearance and I still feel horrible about it. That's the one bad thing about this blog is that I feel as if I am letting people down when I craw into my hole and am not able to post. I just hope that whoever is reading this knows that when I don't post it is absolutely nothing personal. I, like you, am a human and I have my bad days, bad weeks, and even months. We all need to disappear for a while and recollect ourselves, figure out our priorities, and compose ourselves so we can face the world with our most together face. I am back and I apologize for letting any of you down. If and when I disappear I hope you can turn back to previous posts and find strength from words I have said before. Tonight I am trying to collect myself again and go out with friends. I don't want to craw into my hole. I want to face the world and enjoy myself. It is so much easier to hide under the covers (as I have said previously) and pretend that the world, its troubles, and people don't exist. But we cannot live that way. And that is why I metaphorically stand here (aka sitting at my kitchen table) and tell you that we need to be strong. We need to read this positive affirmation, embrace it, embody it, and continue on. We must hold our footing in the ground and continue on no matter what tries to get in our way. 

I always know what needs to be done, and get to doing it right away.

I chose this affirmation tonight because I want to recommit myself to activity, reaffirm the importance of positive steps, and reclaim my ability to take action in my life. I don't want to let myself or you all down in the future. Action is thought in motion. We can say whatever we want, claim that certain things are important, and state that we are strong but the only way to confirm these statement is to act on them. We need to behave in accordance with our thoughts. My words are meaningless if I refuse to act on them and make good of them. I hope you know that everyday I try to the best of my ability to be strong and commit myself to the words I share with you. We are good, strong, fabulous, and important people. Believe what I share with you and I will do my absolute best to believe it too. Believe these words because we are worth it. 

Stay strong friends, I am trying my best to not let you down,

xo

Hope for Better Days

Positive Thoughts for This Evening

A Couple Uplifting Quotes

These past few days have proven to be some of the worst and most difficult I have had in a while. They have left me feeling hopeless and low. All I want to do is turn this cycle around and wake up tomorrow feeling optimistic, positive, and ready to face the world with a smile. I am not sure how to go about doing this. Everything that has transpired over the course of the last few days can't be changed, fixed, or undone. How do we lift ourselves up when we are so deep in our own sadness and terrible thoughts? As always I look to others for advice and words of wisdom in the form of quotes. If I can't find the words to convince myself that things will get better and that life can turn around then maybe there is someone else out there who can. I have chosen two quotes for us to consider tonight. The first refers directly to what mentioned earlier regarding past mistakes-

"If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."

- Mary Pickford

I chose Pickford's words tonight because they offer me a sense of condolence. Yes I have made errors and things have gone wrong but I do not need to stay in this darkness forever. Tomorrow is a new day and if I choose there is the hope that I can turn this around. I can see the light, beauty, and hope that surrounds me and embrace it. I can't change what has happened but I can forgive myself and I can forgive those who have hurt me. These past few days have totally sucked but I don't have to let the negativity linger on. I have sulked and punished myself for it enough. Tomorrow is another chance for me to get up, start fresh, and keep living.
I included this next quote mostly because it directly related to the title of this entry-

"Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today."

- Thich Nhat Hanh

When we feel down and are drowning misery or sorrow it's hard to hold onto the hope that good things and feelings will ultimately come our way. But this hope is crucial because without it we cannot cope with present negative feelings and situations. The only to survive the rough times is to truly believe that tomorrow can and will be a better day. Sadness, anger, regret, and frustration are all negative feelings. As bad as it feels to experience them this is one great thing about them- they come and go. We will not be sad or pained forever. We have been happy, excited, and joyful before and we will be happy again. We need to hold on to this fact and remember that happiness will find us because it has before. Tonight as I sit in my room and try to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my evening I am going to try my hardest to think about these two quotes and allow them to ruminate within my mind. These past days have been awful but I can't lost of sight of future opportunities for happiness or lose my hope for better days.

Best wishes for a good night and a better tomorrow,
xo

My first step toward a better tomorrow- these cheerful pretty poppies!

Time to Unwind

Thoughts for Bedtime

An Evening Affirmation and Quote

Little Milly isn't quite ready for sleep yet-

I haven't written a bedtime post in a while so I thought it was time for it to make a reappearance. My days have been very overwhelming- filled with endless work and readings- and it gives me little time to post as much as I would like. Night time is my time to relax, rest, and unwind after hectic, busy days. My evening tonight is being spent snuggling with Milly and watching the Lion King on television. It is the perfect end to a day filled with stress, stimulation, and mental work. What are you doing tonight to care of yourself and unwind? We all need a break after a day filled with activity. Lets use this time to our advantage and truly relax and feel a sense of calm wash over us. To guide us toward this goal I have chosen an evening affirmation and quote for us to reflect upon tonight. First I will offer an affirmation that highlights release and relaxation-

All the muscles in my body release and let go. As I relax my mind and body immediately feel better and I am able to drift into a deep and peaceful sleep.

Again I am a fan of this affirmation because it provides a visual. I can see the tension and energy that fills every muscle of my being slowly departing from my body and being released into the cosmos. As I see this metaphoric release I am filled with a sense of calm and relaxation. These feelings allow me to put the stress and activities of the day behind. My mind becomes clear and I am granted the blessing of a beautifully uninterrupted sleep.

Next I'd like to offer a brief quote that highlights the importance of giving our minds a rest and the benefits of a good night's sleep.

At least put that night time stress to rest !

"It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it."

- John Steinbeck

So often we allow ourselves to ponder problems and continue thinking deep into the night. We neglect to realize that our best tool is a good night's sleep. By the end of the day we have used our mental and physical resources. We are no longer equipped to handle issues or think properly. Our best bet is too sleep on it. I know the suggestion sounds trite but it is the truth. We do not have all of our faculties at the close of a long, productive, and active day. It is best for us to release the stress and worry, allow our minds to clear, and come to peace with our current state. In the morning we will awake refreshed and ready to tackle any lingering issues and new challenges that may arise. Tonight and every night gift yourself this gift. You deserve this time to tend to yourself, give yourself a break, relax and unwind, and simply be at peace with yourself. What will you do tonight to release the tension and energy of the day? No matter what it is choose what works specifically for you and allow yourself to let go. Any issues will be better solved in the morning after a rejuvenating and refreshing rest.

Sleep peacefully dear friends,

xo

Tuckered Out!

Abbreviated Thoughts for Tonight

An Evening Affirmation

After a long day of travelling I am completely tuckered out more commonly referred to as wiped or pooped (which ever phrase you prefer)! So tonight's post will be short but don't mistake my brevity for a lack of things to say because I have plenty on my mind. And I have no fear I will be back in full form tomorrow with my lengthy and sometimes overly detailed posts. But for tonight I will keep it short and sweet with an evening affirmation that I have liberally adapted to better suit my needs- I hope it meets your needs tonight as well-

The activity of the day has calmed and I am prepared to welcome the calming energy that evening and sleep will bring. I breathe in, inhaling solace, and breathe out, exhaling stress and negativity. I shut my eyes and envision a soothing image that lulls me into a peaceful slumber. I will awake with a refreshed and with a positive outlook.

Time to snuggle up !

As I wrote this affirmation I already began to feel a little more peaceful and at ease. I can see myself resting my head down and cuddling up with my stuffed animals completely relaxed and ready to embrace a lengthy and rejuvenating sleep. I hope you're days have been well and this evening you are able to shake any negativity and anxiety that you may still be holding onto from today. Remember that the night is your time and sleep is your gift. Use both to your advantage so you awake fully prepared for the day ahead of you.

Inhale, exhale, repeat,

xo

Keep Your Head Up

Building Momentum this Morning

A Morning Affirmation

Unfortunately I did not receive the sweet dreams or uninterrupted sleep that I prayed for yesterday evening but I awoke this morning none the less to a new morning and a fresh start. Because my head has been such a mess recently I am choosing to put my trust in the Divine or a higher power in the hopes that they will guide me through the day and grant me a sense of contentment and fulfillment. The affirmation I chose for this morning is directly related to the trust and higher power I have mentioned-

Today I will trust divine guidance to head my actions knowing that I will be brought to joy & prosperity.

I am hoping that this positive affirmation will help me build momentum this morning to drive me through the rest of my day and allow me to effectively complete my long list of tasks that sits before me. If you feel enough strength within yourself this morning more power to you! You can replace the words "divine guidance" with "myself" instead and trust in yourself to lead you through this day. Interpret and alter the affirmation any way you like to make it apply or work for you. My personal words of wisdom (and I'm using the word "wisdom" loosely) are linked to my theme from last night's entry "Your Personal Best." We cannot allow ourselves to feel defeated or become discouraged- no matter how long our to-do list, despite a bad night's sleep, regardless of a down mood- we must keep our head up and continue on. Today I am relying on a higher power for this strength and momentum because I am having difficulty finding it within myself. But I want to emphasize a broader theme and that is to never give up! Never give up hope. Never give up your beliefs. And never give up on yourself! As hard as it may be to keep your head up it is the only way to get through the day. If you spend the whole day looking at your feet your bound to run into something unexpectedly and I mean this both literally and metaphorically. 

Keep your head up today and always,

xo

Keep Your Head Up, Andy Grammer

Sweet Dreams Please with a Cherry on Top!

Praying for a Peaceful Sleep

An Evening Affirmation

Cherries please!

So the time has come again for me to search for an affirmation, recite it, embody it, and snuggle up for a  hopefully peaceful sleep. I am not completely satisfied with myself and what has transpired today- I wish I had gotten more work done and dinner was a struggle- but now is the time for me to set these thoughts aside and relax. This sleep will help prepare me mentally, physically, and emotionally for a more successful tomorrow. No matter what has gone in your life today this time is yours and yours alone. Use it to your benefit and gift yourself some moments of calm before shutting your eyes and drifting off to sleep. Try using the following affirmation to help yourself unwind as you attempt to fall asleep-

I am willing to let my anxious thoughts go. I am consciously aware of the calm silence of my spirit. This calmness allows me to relax from head to toe and fall into a peaceful, uninterrupted sleep.

This is an affirmation I created/customized to meet my personal needs this evening by taking bits and pieces of other affirmations and fusing them together. The anxious energy that has developed within us throughout the day can now be released as we embrace the calmness of our inner spirits. By embracing this sense of calm we can achieve the utmost level of relaxation and consequently achieve peaceful rests this evening. If the entirety of this affirmation does not work for you do as I did and take bits and pieces that make sense to create your own unique affirmation. Tonight I pray for a peaceful sleep for myself, you, and many others who I love that I know are out there suffering and struggling.

Sweet dreams friends,

xo

PS: I had no idea the above image blinked and sparkled when I chose it! What a fun surprise, haha!

Breathing Life

Positive and Peaceful Thoughts for the Evening

An Evening Affirmation

The day, once again, is coming to a close and as I reflect on my own day I feel a true sense of contentment. I am happy with what I achieved today and am glad that I have returned to my true self and my usual routine. As I rest my head this evening I can feel thankful for the day that I have been gifted. In order to carry this positive energy into my sleep and tomorrow morning I am choosing to focus on the following affirmation- 

As my breath moves in and out effortlessly, so does life move through my body, sustaining me, calming me, and allowing me to sleep peacefully.

Breathing is an automatic function that our body does inadvertently to take care of us and provide us with the basic need of air. However, if we focus on breathing, allow ourselves to take deep, lung filling breaths we can feel a sense of calm wash over us. As we get into our bed we can relax from all the day's stimulation by taking these deep breaths. Additionally we can be sure that as we sleep through the night our body will continue to naturally take in this air, filling us with life, and sustaining us through the night. I hope you have had a good day, are happy with your successes, and get put any dissappointment to rest. May you attempt to repeat this affirmation and be blessed with a peaceful sleep that will allow you to wake feeling refreshed and alert.

Goodnight, don't let the bed bugs bite,
xo

Happy Thoughts Make Happy Dreams

Closing the Day on a Good Note

Evening Inspiration

My family vacation is finally coming to a close and I find myself feeling relieved. I am looking forward to returning to my normal routine and patterns of what I am used to and comfortable with. It is always difficult for me to step out of my element- location, eating, drinking, sleeping pattern- for too long without feel worn out and anxious. It's a shame because vacations are meant to be relaxing but I always find them anxiety provoking. I am most certain I will feel better after a couple days at home and back in my comfort zone. For tonight I have decided to turn to an uplifting and inspirational quote rather than an affirmation. I am hoping that these positive worlds will stimulate our minds and result in happy thoughts and happy dreams.

My dream to feel on top of the world- success!

"The vision that you glorify in your mind, the ideal that you enthrone in your heart - this you will build your life by, and this you will become."

- James Allen

I think this quote perfectly accompanies the title of this entry "Happy Thoughts Make Happy Dreams." Not only do our thoughts impact our dreams they impact the way we live and the direction our lives will turn. If we envision a magnificent life for ourselves, outline it in our mind, we are able to achieve all that we wish. The only way to have positive results is to think positively. Negativity can only serve to bring both us as well as our dreams down. Our deepest desires, if believed in, can become our reality. At the end of the day it comes down to having faith and believing that we are capable of achieving these wants. Our wishes may seem lofty or unattainable and maybe some of them are. But, our only hope for achieving any of our dreams is to continue to envision them in our mind and fight for our own success!

Happy thoughts and dreams friends,

xo

Hangover of Hell

Mental and Physical Agony

Drunk Eating, Swollen Hands, Bad Body Image...

Oy-vey..no more please!

So here I am in Florida with my large Italian family- aunts, uncles, cousins and their significant others- and needless to say the food and alcohol is abundant! Upon my arrival I was immediately handed a frozen margarita and a beer and tossed into the craziness of a revved up drinking game! I expected this weekend to be fun and crazy but I didn't think much about the aftermath. Today I am feeling the repercussion of last night both mentally and physically. My headache is beginning to fade but my hands feel like balloons and my mind is going wild with thoughts of regret. It frustrates me that I can't just enjoy myself without feeling terrible the following day. I expect the normal hangover effects- headache, nausea, swolleness- but why must I have these debilitating and self-loathing thoughts? I just want to have fun with my crazy family this weekend but now I am afraid to let go and drink and eat up! Is this mental agony worth the enjoyable time I had last night? I am just not sure. The following is an affirmation regarding self-worth and body image to help me and maybe you as well with bad body image whether it be related to drinking and eating too much the night before or simply because that's how you are feeling today.

I let go of all negative images of myself. I focus on all that I have to be grateful for. I am capable of achieving whatever I set my mind to. All good things are coming to me today.

I chose this affirmation because it is exceptionally related to my current situation. How can I focus on all the negativity I am currently feeling toward myself when I should be thankful and appreciating the fact that I am surrounded by people who truly love and care about me. I can't let this eating disorder, these negative thoughts, the bad body image control me and ruin my time this weekend. I have been looking forward to it for too long! Don't let your thoughts ruin you day, whether it's a special a day or just the usual. Take a step and recognize what and who you have around you and be thankful. Perhaps if we focus on all the positive in our lives the negative thoughts will fade into the background.

Good luck enjoying your day and let the fun commence!

xo

Just a portion of my crazy family at a previous drunken get-together!

Leave Cookies for Santa

Final Thoughts for Today

An Evening Affirmation

Yummy in the tummy!

If you read my other posts from today you already know that I had very weird day. I was just unsettled and couldn't focus. I didn't want to do anything at all and I was and still am unhappy with my physical self. I guess to sum it up I have been in a very bad mental space. I didn't know what to do so I contacted my doctor and tried to talk it out. Ultimately she ended up contacting my professor and I have gotten an extension on my midterm, thank G-d. But more importantly I did my best to find self soothing activities in order to calm myself and get through the rest of the day without feeling totally insane! I went back to my apartment, journaled a bit using pre-written prompts, created a calming playlist, and am now currently baking cookies to share of course! I am starting to feel ok- definitely better than earlier today. Baking is an activity that helps me relax and enjoy it especially the part when I get to share and receive lots of complements about how delicious they are (hehe)! Plus there is the added bonus that now my apartment smells like yummy baked goods! Anyways my real point is that some day we just don't feel superb or ourselves but somehow we need to cope and get ourselves through until the end of the day. I for one am happy to say that this day is coming to a close and hoping that tomorrow brings a better day. On that note the following is the evening affirmation I have chosen for tonight-

Tonight my body and my mind will get the rest it needs. I will sleep deeply and peacefully. I will wake in the morning refreshed with positive, loving thoughts that will see me through the day.

What I want to emphasize about this affirmation is the concept of "loving thoughts." We don't have to love ourselves in our entirety but we are able to nourish ourselves with positive thoughts and energy in reference to ourselves. I am going to bring up the "Golden Rule," treat others how you would want to be treated, but turn it around. Remember to treat yourself how you treat others. Too often we neglect ourselves and forget that we too are important and deservant of love and care. I encourage you to repeat this affirmation and try to follow through with it tomorrow. Allow self-love to get you through your day. I think we will all be surprised how much better we feel at the close of the day after feeding ourselves positive thoughts rather than negative.

Sleep well and best wishes for tomorrow,

xo

When Panic Strikes!

Managing Whirlwind Panic Attacks

Recenter, Reset, and Relax

Whirlwind panic attack- RUN!

Ok, hypothetical situation: It's evening and you're lying in your bed getting ready to sleep. You're tired after a long day and you're fully prepared to welcome this night's rest. All of a sudden your heart begins to pound, terrible and stressful thoughts begin to swirl around wildly in your mind, you cannot catch your breath, in fact you cannot breathe at all, your scared but you can't pin point why, you are overheating to the point where you need to strip off all your covers and excess layers, you become restless and agitated shaking and even twitching your legs, thrusting your limbs up a down, your sobbing uncontrollably, it may sound like your heaving, what is happening? Panic has stricken! You are in the whirlwind of a full blown panic attack! It snuck up on you and now what? Does this situation sound real or familiar to you? Well, this was my experience last night around 9:00 pm. In retrospect maybe there were some signs that this was coming. I had been having pretty bad regressive episodes for the majority of the night, I was terribly homesick, I felt uneasy and sad but I wasn't expecting this. Then all of a sudden- boom! Like a tornado the panic comes in and tosses me around leaving me unsure of what to do or how to make it stop. Well after this terrifying experience I have come up with a phrase to fight back. Similar to what your taught as a child if you're caught on fire, "Stop, drop, and roll" (sidenote: these steps are so often repeated to school children but seriously, what is the likelihood that any of us are ever going to be caught on fire and need to use these actions that are so engrained in our heads?) my phrase in case of a panic attack is recenter, reset, and relax. I understand that these steps are not nearly as self explanatory as "stop, drop, and roll" so I will take it upon myselt to briefly explain or define what I mean by each step.

Metallic Silly Putty is a girl's best friend-

Recenter- Take a step to ground yourself, any tool that works for you. For instance I ultimately called my parents and let the help talk me through it and use deep breathing techniques but I am aware grounding processes are different for everyone. I'll take the liberty of offering a few other suggestions: shower, hold ice, play with putty, grip or rub a grounding stone, and my personal favorite deep breathing. 

Reset- Recognize your surroundings, where you are, who you are, what time it is, and remind yourself this is just a moment in time and a passing experience. This is the step where it's important to fully realize and return to reality and attempt to engage in a normalized activity. For me this resetting was continuing to talk to my parents, once I had calmed down, about other things that were completely unrelated to the panic attack like my new apartment and upcoming plans. Anything that feels normal or typical to you that is unrelated to your previous panic attack will help you reset and reaffirm that you and the world are still ok. Things are the same now as they were prior to the panic attack.

And if all else fails...

Relax- This step seems pretty self explanatory. Once you've come down from your elevated state just engage in something calming and brainless that will help ensure that the panic does not ensue again. My relaxation came in the form of watching television and smoking one last cigarette before bed. But as always it is different for everyone. It can be reading, listening to music, drawing but I suggest you do something that will both relax you as well as distract you from any potentially negative thoughts.

So obviously I am not an expert but these are steps that helped me last night and I thought just maybe you may find them useful as well. As always, as to not let you down or stray from my blog's premise, I will include some quotes. However these quotes don't directly pertain to anxiety or panic attacks. These are actually the quotes I wrote in my journal last night while attempting to bring myself out of the whirlwind. They didn't actually prove to be super useful because I was too engulfed in the panic but I am thinking that maybe if I had looked at them prior to the full blown chaos the heat of the panic attack could have been avoided. Who knows? Anyways this is what I came up with as calming and grounding quotes-

"It may be when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey."

- Wendell Berry

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."

-Benjamin Spock

"You have to decide if you're going to wilt like a daisy or if you're just going to go forward and live the life that you've been granted."

- Kevin Costner

"My trust in a higher power that wants me to survive and have love in my life, is what keeps me moving forward."

-Kenny Loggins

"You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Yes, I know, a very diverse and lengthy collection of quotes but they all touched on something I was having difficulty coming to terms with. Looking back on them now I am glad I recorded them last night although they didn't help in the moment. Perhaps one or many resonate with you or perhaps none of them do. Either way I hope something in this post hit your core and will help you next time panic knocks on your door.

Remember when panic strikes- Recenter, Reset, and Relax!

xo

Or try not to because...

...at least that's what I keep telling myself-